Native Americans in Crisis

Preface

            My grandfather was an undocumented Eastern Cherokee Native American.  My grandmother is an undocumented Pawnee.  I cannot explain why my grandmother was undocumented, but it is well known that there was a fire many generations ago that causes the loss of many records for Eastern Cherokee.  My grandfather grew up on the reservation in Oklahoma and then later moved to Fort Cobb before being drafted into the Army for World War II.  I take great pride in my heritage, yet I have been raised in a white society, so I understand how to stand up for myself and not allow comments that others may take as culturally insensitive to affect me. Using that information and that experience, I speak to the problems that my Indigenous brothers and sisters face and the crisis within the tribes.

Introduction

Imagine that you cannot turn and talk to family, law enforcement in your area, and the other source that might help you, has long been considered the oppressor.  This is what Native American women face every day as they try and find help for the crisis they face when they live with intimate partner violence and even death.  The ending of the epidemic of missing and murdered women can be accomplished through a cultural awareness of the indigenous people, crisis counseling utilized in the proper context, and assisting the culture to embrace the use of spiritual applications to battle their demons. 

           If you sit and speak with the Amish of Holmes County Ohio, you will hear them speak of them and us.

Their culture has established a barrier between themselves and what they refer to as “Englishers.”  This is because biblically, the Bible directs them to set themselves aside and not be like Gentiles.  Native Americans face the same issues, only they have been told for so long to be like the white devil that they have forgotten to stand up against its oppressors.  It is necessary for those who want to help Native American women to be culturally aware of each tribe of Native Americans as a whole and not press upon Native Americans someone else’s culture. 

           What does cultural awareness within First Nations look like?  First, it must be recognized that Natives face three issues counselors must be aware of when educating themselves on culture:  patriarchal societies, matriarchal societies, and the destruction and effect of white society.  Each of these societal effects means a different way of looking at crisis counseling. The one thing that counselors need to be aware of is that there are 573 federally recognized tribes, and while there are three overall effects to consider, not every culture can be covered in this one paper (Afraid of Bear 2020).  “Differences in cultural groups are closely related to regional differences and may be distinguished by their language or spiritual belief systems” (Department of Health and Human Services 2009).

Culture

            Matriarchal society

            Before European colonizers came to the American new world, tribes like the Cherokee and the Lakota Sioux were matriarchal societies.  These were societies that women were free to lead, could marry if and when they wanted, could divorce without repercussion, and did not face domestic abuse issues.  Women part of these types of societies did not have to worry about gender roles or feminism.  All respected these women in the tribe because they were looked at as a person and not just a woman.  While the white colonists could not understand what some referred to as a petticoat government, it was expected when colonists first came to the “new world” to sit with women and men of the Cherokee Nation to make decisions.  This did make both groups uncomfortable as colonists believed women’s place was to be at home, versus the Cherokee at the time believed that all persons in the tribe at a right to lead and make decisions.

A tribe that was not affected by colonists and remained matriarchal is the Hopi.  When a man and woman marry, the man moves to live in the woman’s home or near her family.  She owns the home and everything in it.  Women made and made the decisions within their society.  They are both matriarchal and matrilineal (The Editors of Encyclopaedia Britannica 2019).   

            Patriarchal society

            Gender roles amongst First Nations tend to differ based upon region and community significantly.  The Hopi are a traditionally matriarchal society, while the Sioux are a patriarchal society with positions definitively handed down via the maternal line. 

“Without question, Native women experience violence more frequently than non-Native women (Sokoloff and Dupont,38-64). Feminist intersectional approaches to this problem indicate these women experience a double bind of discrimination being both Native American and women. Moreover, the possibility that a woman will experience violence is likely to increase if she lives on a reservation and/or lives below the poverty line, which is common because unemployment is often high in these contexts. Furthermore, Native American historians note that traditional leadership roles for women have been devalued and often deliberately undermined by colonial forces based on Eurocentric patriarchal systems” (Le May 2016).

The same tribes that were matriarchal before colonization of the United States slowly turned patriarchal after an “if you cannot beat them join them mentality.”  By 1827 the Cherokee Constitution had outlawed suffrage for the women of the tribe (Glickman 2017).

A woman of the tribe could no longer vote or hold office.  The culture women had so enjoyed before colonization was decimated.  According to the European colonist ideas, the idea of “if you cannot beat them join them” and becoming a civilized society quickly resulted in not what Natives thought was best practice but genocide.

            White society

            When the white European colonists came to this “new world,” they believed that they were the civilized society with their clothes, gender roles, and white ways. They thought that those who lived in this conquered world were savages. The song Colors of the Wind played in the Disney movie Pocahontas describe perfectly what the reality was regarding who was civilized and who was not:

“You think I’m an ignorant savage – And you’ve been so many places – I guess it must be so – But still I cannot see – If the savage one is me – How can there be so much that you don’t know – you don’t know…You think the only people who are people – Are the people who look and think like you – But if you walk the footsteps of a stranger – You’ll learn things you never knew, you never knew” (Kuhn 1995).

When the white settlers landed upon the United States and began meeting the Natives, they attempted to make them into people like themselves. 

They told them that their culture was wrong, their religion was wrong, their society was wrong, and they were not civilized. As seen in the movie Dances with Wolves when Ten Bears asks the character John Dunbar how many white men will come, and he is told more than the stars in the sky, this speaks truth to what the First Nations saw as the settlers descended upon their lands, and pushed them further and further out.  

           Cherokee Tribes and other like tribes were far more civilized than European colonists as they had established egalitarian societies where both men and women were given equal rights. However, Native Americans were not considered equal. 

In fact, of the more than 10 million Natives living in North America when colonists landed there, only 238,000 remained at the end of the 19th century (Fixico 2019). With the pushing of tribes to reservations, the United States government has forced Natives to live under a government that has lied, cheated, killed, starved, stole lands, and destroyed cultures. “Whether Native American tribes like the Cheyenne who befriended the white man even changed to Christianity and yet lost their lands and were forced to move” (Franson 2020). It is interesting that a group of people who escaped from Europe and religious oppression became oppressors to those different from themselves. Because of this historical trauma First Nations face further trauma because they continue “to live among and with the perpetrators of their trauma, the United States Government and its people” (Cash 2016, 330).

Counseling

            When dealing with those who have suffered due to historical trauma or crisis at intimate partner violence, it is important not to label them as victims, especially as this can have cultural references that do more harm than good. Because of the oppression of white people, counselors must keep this in mind as intergenerational trauma. Thus, their job is to develop self-confidence, manage antipathy, and create constructive cultural and ethnic socialization (Wilkins, et al. 2013). Another tool that can be utilized with Native Americans going through the crisis of domestic abuse due to historical trauma is Emotional Emancipation Circles (EECs). EECs are evidence-based and traditionally compatible with their strengths-based method toward restorative shock (Barlow 2018). These treatments are founded on cognitive-behavioral therapies (CBT) that label how a person is exposed to a traumatic ordeal or absorbed in it generationally recognizes the shock. While the knowledge of historic hurts is new and no “evidence-based treatments for historical trauma have been found” (Williams-Washington & Mills, 2018, p. 257), the culturally thoughtful application of CBT can be used. In most cases, when a culture uses the term historical trauma, it is essential not to allow third and fourth generations to fall into the trap of historical trauma; with Native Americans, this is perceived differently since they live with their oppressors and oppression is still occurring. The treatments used to give attention to those of diverse cultures must be a mixture of CBT, and other treatments that address culture (Vaul-Grimwood and Le 2007).

           As helping professionals begin helping those who are facing traumatic and intergenerational trauma that has led to the crisis, they must remember there are phases to address: motivational, intervention, and collective. Therapists must be educated in the historical context that has led to the crisis the First Nation people are in – this is documented as the motivational phase. When a helping professional is culturally proficient, they enter the intervention phase. 

Finally, it is vital to recognize that historical traumas that result in crisis are systemic. As such, individual response is warranted, but so is a collective response. For those going through this kind of crisis, they need to name their problem and not just hide behind a stigmatism created by their culture. In the Legacy of Trauma, the author discourses hopeful intercessions but distinguishes the resulting:

• identification of the problem
• acceptance of self-care means
• lessening of triggers like social media sources
• not instructing novel or upcoming generations the activities that have steered to the shock instead appeal to them to remove themselves from the evil ideas they have been rooted in

           Another issue that helping professionals must be mindful of when helping Indigenous people is that not all tribes have experienced historical trauma. However, those who have their physiological makeup can be changed because of the constant stress they are feeling due to perceived ongoing trauma. For those who see this kind of client, it is vital to converse with the primary care provider of medical care to take a whole-body approach. While the mind can be healed, when the stress of this magnitude is created, and there are ongoing stressors and the possibility of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), then a whole-body approach needs to be taken to help the issues the body that are affected (Brown-Rice 2013). 

           This constant historical trauma has led to a new crisis for Native Americans, one of which is violence against one another in the forms of physical, sexual, and verbal abuse, specifically towards women of the tribes. This cycle was created out of the genocide of First Nations:

1. With the killings and saving of white people.
2. Then First Nations crossed into self-medication through alcohol, drugs, and food (again introduced by the white man).
3. Counselors can see a movement into what is seen today with a crisis of murdered and missing women through interpersonal partner violence.
4. Finally, a tribe condones this behavior as normal because they have forgotten their culture and heritage (Kilson 2020).

 Spiritual Application

            No matter what our color, culture, or shape, we are all created in the image of God. “God created human beings in his image.  In the image of God, he created them; male and female, he created them” Genesis 1.27 (Bible Gateway 2020). The Bible was regularly used when colonists came to the United States to weed out and kill the savages of the land. Many took verses from the Bible out of context as done in Joshua 24.13 where God told Moses, “I gave you land you had not worked on, and I gave you towns you did not build – the towns where you are now living.  I gave you vineyards and olive groves for food, though you did not plant them” (Bible Gateway 2020).

Another verse that was regularly taken out of context by the colonists was Genesis 9.2, where God tells Adam, and renews the covenant with Noah, that all the land and that that lives on it belongs to man.  Colonists used this reasoning to say that they landed in the United States, and all belonged to them because they were Christians. “Tragically, the First Peoples’ free exercise of peaceful religious practices and beliefs did not last forever. The arrival of conquerors and colonizers with weapons in each hand — a gun in their right and a bible in their left — would mean the widespread oppression, persecution, and condemnation of the spiritual beliefs and practices that were so central to the First Peoples’ lives” (Silpar 2018).

As helping professionals, it is important to remind clients that they need not be a slave to fear or to those who have oppressed in the past…” For you are a slave to whatever controls you” 2 Peter 2.19b (Bible Gateway 2020).  It can be hypothesized that if First Nation people permit intergenerational trauma to govern them, we are indeed a slave to it. 

“The term trauma, meaning “wound,” comes from Greek antiquity. The range of meanings attested at the time includes being severely hurt, physical wounds, wounding, (military) defeat, and psychic wounds. Over the centuries, studies of trauma have been part of various disciplines: mental health fields, literature, and the arts as well as religion” (Guerrero 2015).

The injuries found in people and the way they treat one another can find their origins in original sin.  While Adam and Eve were forgiven their sins, their sin left a broken relationship between them and God, the Father that would be generational.

This broken relationship is seen not only in Genesis but through the generations.  But God, the Father, had a plan to recapture His children into his presence when it was prophesized in Isaiah that a Messiah would come and be “pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins.  He was beaten so we could be whole.  He was whipped so we could be healed” 53.5 (NLT).  As a Christian, I am reminded that no matter what my wounds are, no matter the oppression from others, God has “plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a hope and a future” Jeremiah 29.11 (NLT).

Conclusion

            For as long as Indigenous people can remember, they have been oppressed by the people of the United States and its government.  There has never been a time during those living that they cannot remember broken promises and treaties.  Because of this oppression and living amongst those who oppress everyday Native Americans have fallen into a crisis resulting from historical trauma.  This crisis has led to what some are now dialoguing and calling an epidemic of missing and murdered Native American Women.  Much of the reason for this crisis is because of a cycle that was started with genocide, then moved into self-medication by natives, then to the normalizing of abuse of one another in the tribe, and finally the condoning of the behavior.  This is what Native American women, and even men, face every day as they try and find help for this new form of crisis they face when they live with intimate partner violence and even death.  The ending of the epidemic of missing and murdered women can be accomplished through a cultural awareness of the indigenous people, crisis counseling utilized in the proper context, and assisting the culture to embrace the use of spiritual applications to battle their demons.

           As helping professionals, it is pertinent that they recognize these First Nation people’s historical context and what has led to this crisis of identity.  Part of helping these people heal is by understanding the types of society each First Nation tribe comes from:  matriarchal, patriarchal, egalitarian, etc.  It is also essential to recognize that many First Nation societies were far more advanced in their thinking and understanding of their spirituality, (and in my opinion), who God is. However, as white people invaded their land, they refused to see this and instead wanted to either kill them or conqueror their way of living and replace it with what they saw as better. 

References

Afraid of Bear, Loretta. Traditions & Culture. 2020. https://indianyouth.org/mission-history/traditions-culture/.

Barlow, J.N. “Restoring optimal Black mental health and reversing intergenerational trauma in an era of Black Lives Matter.” Biography 41, no. 4 (2018): 895-908.

Bible Gateway. New Living Translation. 2020. https://classic.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis+1.27&version=NLT (accessed October 2020).

Brown-Rice, Kathleen. “Examining the theory of historical trauma among Native Americans.” The professional Counselor 3, no. 3 (2013): 117-130.

Cash, A. Wiley concise guides to mental health: Posttraumatic stress disorder. John Wiley & Sons, 2016.

Department of Health and Human Services. Culture card. Washington D.C.: Department of Health and Human Services, 2009.

Fixico, Donald L. When Native Americans were slaughtered in the name of civilization. August 16, 2019. https://www.history.com/news/native-americans-genocide-united-states.

Franson, Robert. Letters: Apologies from a white man. October 15, 2020. https://navajotimes.com/opinion/letters/letters-apologies-white-man/.

Glickman, Mary. A culture where a woman’s voice mattered as much as any man’s. February 25, 2017. https://www.huffpost.com/entry/cherokee-women-undisturbed-peace_b_9220464.

Guerrero, C. Encourntering trauma in the Bible. October 14, 2015. https://www.americamagazine.org/faith/2015/10/14/encountering-trauma-bible (accessed October 2020).

Kilson, Cristal. Mental health issues from historical trauma plague Native Americans. September 02, 2020. https://blog.nativehope.org/mental-health-issues-from-historical-trauma-plague-native-americans (accessed October 2020).

Kuhn, Judy. Colors of the wind. Comps. Alan Menken, & Stephen L Schwartz. 1995.

Le May, Genevieve M. “The cycles of violence against Native women: An analysis of colonialism, historical legislation and the violence against women reauthorization act of 2013.” Portland State University McNair Research Journal 12, no. 1 (2016): 1-24.

Nimmo, Cayla. Looking back: Missing and murdered Indigenous people conversation grew in Wyoming. December 29, 2019. https://trib.com/news/state-and-regional/looking-back-missing-and-murdered-indigenous-people-conversation-grew-in-wyoming/article_0c56539e-5697-580c-84cd-d8e272cb0dae.html.

Silpar, C. Christian devils: How the Bible was used to mobilize oppression of Native Americans. February 20, 2018. https://medium.com/race-law-a-critical-analysis/christian-devils-how-the-bible-was-used-to-mobilize-oppression-of-native-americans-84e67f7e091b (accessed October 2020).

The Editors of Encyclopaedia Britannica. Hopi. February 25, 2019. https://www.britannica.com/topic/Hopi.

Vaul-Grimwood, M., and G. Le. “Introduction: Holocaust writing of the second generation.” Holocaust literature of the second generation, 2007: 1-30.

Wilkins, Erica J, Jason B Whiting, Marlene F Watson, Jody M Russon, and Allena M Moncrief. “Residual effects of slavery: What clinicians need to know.” Contemporary family therapy, 2013: 14-28.

Reginald Christman – Mr. Reggie to Me

My heart is broken as a man who I looked up to, who loved with all he was, who called me daughter has left this earth way too soon. I have known Mr. Reggie for over thirty years, but only the last ten were as one of his kids. In 2015 my mom married Mr. Reggie and joined our family one last time for him. When he left this earth we all knew that family was one of the most important things to Mr. Reggie as he left behind his beautiful wife, Gloria, and seven children, 14 grandchildren, and 17 great-grandchildren. There is not one of us who did/does not love him and miss with with a deep and unimaginable sorrow.

Mr. Reggie always kept an amazing garden and yard, and made the best pancakes and bacon anywhere (guess all fireman really know how to cook), worked hard to serve those around him, and led by example. Some of my favorite stories with Mr. Reggie happened in his kitchen where there would be talk of “penis-butter” (peanut-butter) a joke that was captured by him, Mamaw and Faithe-Faithe full of grace; talk of karumpas with Codi-Rae, and sneaking ham bites to Champion. The day Mr. Reggie married my mom was one of the happiest days for our family – not only did they join in love their life, but us as a family.

Reginald Christman

Reginald Christman of Gillette, Wyoming was called Home on Saturday, January 9, 2021 at Wyoming Medical Center in Casper.

Reg was born in Sheldon, ND on March 12, 1938 to Edward and Hannah Christman. He joined three older brothers, Charles, Richard (Dick) and Warren. His childhood was spent on the family farm on the banks of the Red River in Ransom County ND.

Around 1948 the family moved to Casper. In 1957 Reg graduated from NCHS. During his high school years, he was active in ROTC. During that time, he worked as a sack boy at the Westridge Commissary. He also worked for Pacific Fruit and Produce.

After Graduation Reg worked for the Walter Schultz Distributing Company in Casper.

Reg joined the Wyoming National Guard and proudly served for nine years, attaining the rank of Sergeant.

On May 31, 1959 Reg married Valerie Hunter. They later divorced in 1989. From that union, 2 children were born, Lesa (Brian) Klein and David (Tonya) Christman. They gave him three grandchildren Adam (Kelsey) Rennick, Alesa (Eric) Stryker and Parker Christman, and 6 great-grandchildren.

In 1963 Reg joined the Casper Fire Department and after 23 incredible years he retired in 1985. During this time, he worked his way up to the rank of Division Chief. Reg loved being a fireman and all the friends he made during that time. Toward the end of his career, he had the honor of training the next generation in the skills to become firefighters.

Retirement didn’t mean rest for Reg. He painted houses and then went to work for Highland Park Community Church as a custodian.

On July 14, 1990 he married Wilma Cepel in Casper. She passed away on April 24th 2001. From this marriage Reg’s family grew with three children, LeAnne (Bozz) Bennett, Curtis Cepel and Bruce Cepel. There were three more grandchildren, JoLee (Jason) Krebs, Sarah (Dean) Scoggin and Stephanie Hobson and an additional 6 great-grandchildren.

Reg retired (again) from Highland Park and focused his time on family, fishing and his beloved garden. Many evenings were spent on his back deck watching deer, enjoying the natural beauty created by God and calling friends and family. “Don’t let your meat loaf and keep your powder dry” was a favorite saying for Reg.

On June 13, 2015 He married Gloria Solomon in Casper. From this marriage Reg’s family grew even more with two children, Kari (Larry) Skalicky and Tanya (Tim) Miller, five grandchildren Nic (Kat) Skalicky, Chris (Ashelie) Skalicky, Brianna (Greg) Green, Faithe (Liam) Dell and Codi Brown, and 5 great-grandchildren.

Preceding him in death are his parents, brothers Charles and Warren, and Wilma.

He is survived and will be greatly missed by his wife Gloria, his brother Dick, his children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, numerous nieces and nephews and many dear friends.

In lieu of flowers, donations can be made in Reg’s memory to the Casper College Foundation for the Fire Science Program. 125 College Dr. 82601.

A Celebration Reg’s Life will be held on Saturday, January 16, 2021 at 1:00pm. Newcomer Funeral Home is in charge of the arrangements. Due to COVID-19 restrictions, there will be limited seating in the chapel. A virtual feed will be available on the Newcomer website.

A reception will follow immediately following the service at the VFW, 1800 Bryan Stock Trail.

Private family internment will follow at a later date.

I love-a you Mr Reggie!

The First Fifteen Minutes of Your Day…

When COVID-19 first became a thing that changed all of our lives, I realized I was going to need to do some changing in my life. Part of the changing meant getting real, right and deep in my relationship with God. I have always struggled to be one of “those” Christians that does a daily devotion and is in the word first thing in the morning, but I soon realized that it was a necessity in order to get real, right and deep with God. But I admit even after all these years I had NO IDEA how to do that. Then I heard a blog from a pastor and even my own pastor say do what you can to start…but what does that look like. For me it started out with my first fifteen minutes of the day…five minutes of reading the scriptures, five minutes of worship, and five minutes of prayer. When I first started I was struggling to get through fifteen minutes…now I struggle to keep it under the hour mark.

In September as I began my commute across the I80 pass I devoted the time from the moment I woke till I walked in the door of my office to time with God. Needless to say this is where being under an hour kind of got blown out of the water. Now that I live in the same town as my job my time is reduced to about 50 minutes, which is still hard for me.

So lets look at how you can start out your first fifteen minutes, and build from there. (I do not open my phone for anything in the morning other than for my Bible app or Spotify…God gets my firsts).

For me I am listening to the Bible chronologically (if you have never done this…it is very interesting) through the Bible app – this is also where the first five minutes of the day usually gets blown – I can’t just listen to one day…I want more. So as I turn off my alarm I immediately go to the Bible app and find the last day I left off

on…I am way past where the app says I am supposed to be. I am supposed to be on day 125, but because I can’t put down the Word or stop listening to it I am on day 183 with 57 days left to go. Oh and by the way it is a good thing when you can’t put down the Word. I find myself asking God what was going on, or talking to the people in the Bible asking what they were thinking…and even chastising myself saying gee you have done that you should have learned from their mistake (but how can you learn if you

weren’t in the Word and soaking up God?). If reading a whole chapter is too much or several, lets start with the verse of the day. There are many apps or pamphlets like “Our Daily Bread” that have a small daily verse

you can read that take no time at all.

Wow, now the first five minutes are done, how about the next five minutes…the next five minutes is the easiest. This is when I turn on my Worship is a Weapon playlist from my Spotify account and listen to what God is telling me, and praise Him for the time I have with him. My Spotify playlist can be found here:

https://open.spotify.com/embed/playlist/71L4utUAIr4xrY0yddAKrA

I have a lot of older worship music, and am slowly adding newer stuff that speaks to me. So for the next five minutes I can be found listening to this. Feel free to listen to my content or put in prayer worship playlists and find what others have done, or even create your own.

Then comes the hardest five minutes for many…prayer time. I admit when I first started this was hard for me too. I prayed through my needs and wants, and that of family, but that took no time at all. Then I started listening and really hearing others, and now my prayer list is quite extensive. But if you need a starting place, Christ gives us one when He says pray this way:

For me I have a list that is in my prayer journal, and on my phone, and in my planner…why so many places, because prayer time should be without ceasing. This is also the time now when I struggle to be done before I enter my office. I also find because I have come this far with my prayer life that I pray through out the day. And it isn’t just lip service…when someone asks me to pray for them I stop right there and then and pray for them, and write their name in my planner and phone, and on my heart to remember. As you can see from my prayer journal below the front has been opened often and worked in as it has many scratches on the cover.

Remember we are not in a war against flesh and blood but against principalities that we cannot see. It is because of this that I remain cognizant of what I do, what I see, what I hear…even after my first fifteen minutes with God, I find myself cautious that I do not add something I shouldn’t. For example during the day as I sit at my desk you will often find that my music is on my playlist Worship of Weapon, or that I quietly am mumbling prayers. As you start out with those first fifteen minutes you will find that it becomes easier and easier to go further and further, and that eventually you don’t want to stop.

Do you have a question about getting started, please reach out and let me help you.

Fibromyalgia

I have Fibromyalgia, but it does not have me. I have hesitated to write this story but felt it was a necessary evil. I have likely had FMS since 1988, likely after I was in two automobile accidents within three days of one another. It is believed that FMS is passed down the maternal side and is a recessive gene that can be sparked alive by severe trauma. For me, it was these car accidents…for my daughter, we have not been able to pinpoint it to one specific trauma as she suffered several in the first two years of her life. There is no cure or treatment for FMS, and for each person who has it, they have to work through their symptoms and issues individually. They cannot necessarily rely on someone else (for example, a diet change helped me but has not helped my daughter).

The reason I bring this to light is I have had way too many family and friends who do not understand why I may go home and take a nap after working for the next several days, but then on day four, I clean the garage, and go shopping, and unpack my house…why can’t I always do that! I have grown frustrated with people looking at me and saying, “but you don’t look disabled.” That is something that is commonly heard. And while right now I am blessed not to look that way, it was not so long ago that I did use a cane and had blossomed to well over 250 pounds because of my disability. The common phrase of don’t judge a book by its cover can aptly be applied to this situation.

So I decided it was time to explain my FMS. I am blessed that I have seen remission…at least until June of this year (still fighting the good fight and trying to keep it at bay). I chose in 2014 after a move to Albuquerque, NM that I did not like who I had become. I didn’t particularly appreciate that my children had to pack our house and take care of getting us to NM because of my disability and their father being gone. So a change was in order…it started with ridding my body of all the pharmaceuticals I was placed on, which I believe did more harm than good. I went cold-turkey off of them all (please, please consult with a physician before doing the same thing as it can be perilous). I began exercising, which is hard when you have chronic pain, but I forced myself to exercise every day (and to this day, I make sure to get some stretching and exercising in). I also changed my diet…less eating out, less gluten, and more fresh, wholesome foods. Between all of these things and some other mental changes I made, I was able to say I was altogether in remission by the spring of 2015. I have not read of many people who have been blessed to see this gift, and it is not one that I look blindly in the face. With all of this said, does it mean I no longer have pain…no it does not. Many of the issues with FMS are still very active in my life…what it means is I have to think less about how many spoons I will spend in a day as I do when my FMS is out of control. (Yep, I saw that look…spoons? We are getting to that!)

So as you can see, things look bright but let me tell you about the last two weeks, and you will understand why it is vital for me to explain to you about FMS…

Last week was my last week of school for two classes I was taking to finish my master’s degree in counseling, but that wasn’t the only thing I was doing. Additionally, we had only been in our new home for two weeks and living out of box after box (I am someone who has to have everything in its place, and if it isn’t, I do stress over it – and all stress does is highlight the pain and other symptoms). And on top of that, I had a sick husband at home, and I was working a 40+ hours week at my new job. Do you see the problem already…how do I make it to where I have enough of me to do it all. Can you also see that this is difficult for an average person, let alone someone who has a disability? And so comes the spoon theory authored by a person who has Lupus. It will also explain to you why I did not get the house unpacked or cleaned at all, and that most evenings when I got home, I had to choose whether to do a little homework and then whether to spend time with my sweet husband or go to bed because I was exhausted and knew even going to bed early did not mean a restful night. This week is a little different. No more school and a little more energy, but I still had to take two days to clean my house, and in doing that, it also meant laying down for half an hour after work to find a little extra energy. Tonight it will be hard as I travel to Laramie to finish cleaning my old home, meet my husband and then get up in the morning to make one last dump run before heading back to Cheyenne for the weekend. This weekend I will take the whole thing to do nothing but rest as I can feel my body caving slowly from spending more spoons than I have to give and taking them from future days.

Now to understand fully, I hope

The Spoon Theory

by Christine Miserandino www.butyoudontlooksick.com

My best friend and I were in the diner, talking. As usual, it was very late and we were eating French fries with gravy. Like normal girls our age, we spent a lot of time in the diner while in college, and most of the time we spent talking about boys, music or trivial things, that seemed very important at the time. We never got serious about anything in particular and spent most of our time laughing.

As I went to take some of my medicine with a snack as I usually did, she watched me with an awkward kind of stare, instead of continuing the conversation. She then asked me out of the blue what it felt like to have Lupus and be sick. I was shocked not only because she asked the random question, but also because I assumed she knew all there was to know about Lupus. She came to doctors with me, she saw me walk with a cane, and throw up in the bathroom. She had seen me cry in pain, what else was there to know?

I started to ramble on about pills, and aches and pains, but she kept pursuing, and didn’t seem satisfied with my answers. I was a little surprised as being my roommate in college and friend for years; I thought she already knew the medical definition of Lupus. Then she looked at me with a face every sick person knows well, the face of pure curiosity about something no one healthy can truly understand. She asked what it felt like, not physically, but what it felt like to be me, to be sick.

As I tried to gain my composure, I glanced around the table for help or guidance, or at least stall for time to think. I was trying to find the right words. How do I answer a question I never was able to answer for myself? How do I explain every detail of every day being effected, and give the emotions a sick person goes through with clarity. I could have given up, cracked a joke like I usually do, and changed the subject, but I remember thinking if I don’t try to explain this, how could I ever expect her to understand. If I can’t explain this to my best friend, how could I explain my world to anyone else? I had to at least try.

At that moment, the spoon theory was born. I quickly grabbed every spoon on the table; hell I grabbed spoons off of the other tables. I looked at her in the eyes and said “Here you go, you have Lupus”. She looked at me slightly confused, as anyone would when they are being handed a bouquet of spoons. The cold metal spoons clanked in my hands, as I grouped them together and shoved them into her hands.

I explained that the difference in being sick and being healthy is having to make choices or to consciously think about things when the rest of the world doesn’t have to. The healthy have the luxury of a life without choices, a gift most people take for granted.

Most people start the day with unlimited amount of possibilities, and energy to do whatever they desire, especially young people. For the most part, they do not need to worry about the effects of their actions. So for my explanation, I used spoons to convey this point. I wanted something for her to actually hold, for me to then take away, since most people who get sick feel a “loss” of a life they once knew. If I was in control of taking away the spoons, then she would know what it feels like to have someone or something else, in this case Lupus, being in control.

She grabbed the spoons with excitement. She didn’t understand what I was doing, but she is always up for a good time, so I guess she thought I was cracking a joke of some kind like I usually do when talking about touchy topics. Little did she know how serious I would become?

I asked her to count her spoons. She asked why, and I explained that when you are healthy you expect to have a never-ending supply of “spoons”. But when you have to now plan your day, you need to know exactly how many “spoons” you are starting with. It doesn’t guarantee that you might not lose some along the way, but at least it helps to know where you are starting. She counted out 12 spoons. She laughed and said she wanted more. I said no, and I knew right away that this little game would work, when she looked disappointed, and we hadn’t even started yet. I’ve wanted more “spoons” for years and haven’t found a way yet to get more, why should she? I also told her to always be conscious of how many she had, and not to drop them because she can never forget she has Lupus.

I asked her to list off the tasks of her day, including the most simple. As, she rattled off daily chores, or just fun things to do; I explained how each one would cost her a spoon. When she jumped right into getting ready for work as her first task of the morning, I cut her off and took away a spoon. I practically jumped down her throat. I said ” No! You don’t just get up. You have to crack open your eyes, and then realize you are late. You didn’t sleep well the night before. You have to crawl out of bed, and then you have to make your self something to eat before you can do anything else, because if you don’t, you can’t take your medicine, and if you don’t take your medicine you might as well give up all your spoons for today and tomorrow too.” I quickly took away a spoon and she realized she hasn’t even gotten dressed yet. Showering cost her spoon, just for washing her hair and shaving her legs. Reaching high and low that early in the morning could actually cost more than one spoon, but I figured I would give her a break; I didn’t want to scare her right away. Getting dressed was worth another spoon. I stopped her and broke down every task to show her how every little detail needs to be thought about. You cannot simply just throw clothes on when you are sick. I explained that I have to see what clothes I can physically put on, if my hands hurt that day buttons are out of the question. If I have bruises that day, I need to wear long sleeves, and if I have a fever I need a sweater to stay warm and so on. If my hair is falling out I need to spend more time to look presentable, and then you need to factor in another 5 minutes for feeling badly that it took you 2 hours to do all this.

I think she was starting to understand when she theoretically didn’t even get to work, and she was left with 6 spoons. I then explained to her that she needed to choose the rest of her day wisely, since when your “spoons” are gone, they are gone. Sometimes you can borrow against tomorrow’s “spoons”, but just think how hard tomorrow will be with less “spoons”. I also needed to explain that a person who is sick always lives with the looming thought that tomorrow may be the day that a cold comes, or an infection, or any number of things that could be very dangerous. So you do not want to run low on “spoons”, because you never know when you truly will need them. I didn’t want to depress her, but I needed to be realistic, and unfortunately being prepared for the worst is part of a real day for me.

We went through the rest of the day, and she slowly learned that skipping lunch would cost her a spoon, as well as standing on a train, or even typing at her computer too long. She was forced to make choices and think about things differently. Hypothetically, she had to choose not to run errands, so that she could eat dinner that night.

When we got to the end of her pretend day, she said she was hungry. I summarized that she had to eat dinner but she only had one spoon left. If she cooked, she wouldn’t have enough energy to clean the pots. If she went out for dinner, she might be too tired to drive home safely. Then I also explained, that I didn’t even bother to add into this game, that she was so nauseous, that cooking was probably out of the question anyway. So she decided to make soup, it was easy. I then said it is only 7pm, you have the rest of the night but maybe end up with one spoon, so you can do something fun, or clean your apartment, or do chores, but you can’t do it all.

I rarely see her emotional, so when I saw her upset I knew maybe I was getting through to her. I didn’t want my friend to be upset, but at the same time I was happy to think finally maybe someone understood me a little bit. She had tears in her eyes and asked quietly “Christine, How do you do it? Do you really do this everyday?” I explained that some days were worse then others; some days I have more spoons then most. But I can never make it go away and I can’t forget about it, I always have to think about it. I handed her a spoon I had been holding in reserve. I said simply, “I have learned to live life with an extra spoon in my pocket, in reserve. You need to always be prepared.”

Its hard, the hardest thing I ever had to learn is to slow down, and not do everything. I fight this to this day. I hate feeling left out, having to choose to stay home, or to not get things done that I want to. I wanted her to feel that frustration. I wanted her to understand, that everything everyone else does comes so easy, but for me it is one hundred little jobs in one. I need to think about the weather, my temperature that day, and the whole day’s plans before I can attack any one given thing. When other people can simply do things, I have to attack it and make a plan like I am strategizing a war. It is in that lifestyle, the difference between being sick and healthy. It is the beautiful ability to not think and just do. I miss that freedom. I miss never having to count “spoons”.

After we were emotional and talked about this for a little while longer, I sensed she was sad. Maybe she finally understood. Maybe she realized that she never could truly and honestly say she understands. But at least now she might not complain so much when I can’t go out for dinner some nights, or when I never seem to make it to her house and she always has to drive to mine. I gave her a hug when we walked out of the diner. I had the one spoon in my hand and I said “Don’t worry. I see this as a blessing. I have been forced to think about everything I do. Do you know how many spoons people waste everyday? I don’t have room for wasted time, or wasted “spoons” and I chose to spend this time with you.”

Ever since this night, I have used the spoon theory to explain my life to many people. In fact, my family and friends refer to spoons all the time. It has been a code word for what I can and cannot do. Once people understand the spoon theory they seem to understand me better, but I also think they live their life a little differently too. I think it isn’t just good for understanding Lupus, but anyone dealing with any disability or illness. Hopefully, they don’t take so much for granted or their life in general. I give a piece of myself, in every sense of the word when I do anything. It has become an inside joke. I have become famous for saying to people jokingly that they should feel special when I spend time with them, because they have one of my “spoons”.

© Christine Miserandino

The Move

Well it has been a whirlwind last several months. And if you know me, you know how crazy it has been by the fact that I have not posted in several months.

Let’s break it down, and offer a few sage pieces of advice to go with it that I have learned.

Change is in the Air: Near the end of July I received word that I was to be interviewed by the Air Force for a position with the Operations Group…yay me! Now I will be honest I would never have even considered applying for this position as I am vastly over qualified and my education surpasses any of their needs, but I keep hearing God tell me to apply anyway. So I did, and wouldn’t you know it I was offered the position. Of course my nerves and the idea of starting a new job tried to get the best of me, but the as many of you know I have a new found relationship with the Lord so during those times I have found myself deep in worship. I put my notice into the University which truly was a blessing as I am sure I would have had an anxiety attacking working for that command much longer. I took the entire month of August off and used it to search for a new house and pack up our house in Laramie. I am pleased to say it only took us about four weeks to find what Tim and I are considering a near perfect home (we will discuss the imperfectness later). After searching for that near perfect home, in September we put money down on the house and began really putting our foot to the metal to get moved earlier in October rather than later (as of the end of October we will have lived in Laramie for four years in the same home.)

Words of Advice: When the Lord tells you to do something…listen up because even if it isn’t something you would do He will not do harm, but his plans are for a future and a hope. It was so hard to listen to Abba and apply for a job that in all reality is below my experience and education, but God had plans that have rewarded me.

Words of Advice: Take as much time as you feasibly can off from one job to the other if a move is dictated. This gives you the real time needed to take a deep breath, pack your home and search and move into the new one. I was able to do all but the actual move – and that came a month after starting in my new position. It was stressful, and the work now to get the house together as I still travel back and forth has been tiresome.

Master’s Degree: With the end of August upon us I also returned to school for my last two classes to complete my master’s program in counseling (and there is the craziness of it – two master level classes, while moving and starting a new job – can you say INSANE?)

Words of Advice: NEVER EVER take two master-level or doctorate-level classes at the same time, while going through a major life event, let alone two. They say moves, changes in jobs, and health issues are three of the top ten most stressful events a person will go through in life

10-most-stressful-life-events

…guess what I did all three of them while finishing my last two classes in a six week period. Can I just say I am tired and do not recommend doing it the same way!

Accidents: Oh did I also remember to mention the fall and trip to the ER I took? I had hired someone to come in and clean the carpet (and the job they did sucked), and was going downstairs to see how they did when I fell down the stairs, hitting my head into the door at the bottom of the stairs, tearing up my knee, and causing excessive amounts of blood to poor from my head. Of course the guy cleaning the carpets freaked out…so instead of having someone tend to me I immediately went into mom mode and told him to call my daughter while I began to give myself first-aide to include staunching the bleeding to my head, and cleaning up the blood from the counters so Faithe would not have to worry about it when she arrived at the house. (So here is the funny thing about having grown children – while you will always worry about them and love them like crazy the relationship changes – they become your friend and the person sometimes you rely on for things like splitting your head open. No longer do I try and hide my wounds from my children, rather like that day I no longer hold it together but let her take care of me) Thank God Faithe could come…I really needed someone else who could administer first-aide as I was slowly evolving into a mess after the bleeding stopped – that was when the nausea started and the extreme tired started; I would never have made it to the hospital without her. Oh and by the way other than a deep gash to the head, a knee wound that is still healing, and a concussion nothing was broken, broken.

Can you say ouch?

Words of Advice: It is so important to maintain relationships with your family, and especially your children, as you never know when the tide will change to where you rely on them more, than them on you. Forgiveness is so crucial when it comes to family. We do not know the appointed time when God will say our time on this earth is done…before your time runs out find forgiveness, give forgiveness and love…really love!

Word of Advice: Take your time…you do not need to rush the guy in front of you and you do not need to check out their work in the here and now. That was my mistake that day. I wanted to go downstairs and check everything out before he had chords and supplies picked up. Thus I got in a hurry and well you can see what happen. Also, after such an accident reliving to figure out what one did wrong is not helpful. I have walked up and down those steps a dozen times trying to figure out how I fell, and I will never know and it really doesn’t matter now.

New Job: I cannot begin to tell you how happy I am where I work and the people I work with. I know that with the military that is subject to change as as people move in and out, but this is becoming an amazing family that I am quickly growing to love and appreciate in ways I never expected. I already secretly mourn the loss of our Chief, and Deputy who have received notice of their next assignments. I am so blessed that both the commander and deputy I work with are good Godly men who appreciate me and want to do what is best for me. So what could I possibly be doing that brings me this much joy…I am just a secretary! Let me tell you NO ONE crosses the secretary…I am the guard dog for my command! If Mrs. Miller isn’t happy, neither will my command (or at least this is what I am told). My predecessor left me a note that says I am due the same respect as the men I work for and if it is not given that it needs to be rectified. While I have made the job my own, and tried to take on extra duties, I still at times find myself bored and wondering what I am to do. It makes me quite nervous when I feel this way as I know my XO will leave someday and that he does far more than me…so!

Word of Advice: Never take on more than you should. Always give your best yes. If you don’t know what your best yes is learn: don’t just say yes because you think that is what others want to hear. And do not just say yes because you are afraid or do not know how to say no! Lysa Terkeurst really taught me a lot about what my Best Yes looks like.

Word of Advice: Do not, not apply for a job because you think you are overqualified or too educated. There should never be a time in which you cannot learn something. I have worked beside the military for nearly twenty-five years in one capacity or another, and while I have a a wealth of information each group, squadron, etc. has their own language. And while I have over twenty years experience working in administration, this position has all kinds of new experiences as the executive administrator. Finally, God puts us in places that may seem beneath us in order to mold and make us and others. I am looking forward to how He will do that for me here, and how He will use this time to develop me into the next position He has in mind.

Our Home: So I am going to tell you I am slowly falling in love with out new home, and likely will more as it comes together. But living out of boxes since the 10th of October has not been a growing experience rather a stressful one.

The one serious drawback to it, is the mother-in-law suite that sits below our bedroom was rented out to a single man and his girlfriend. This has definitely in the short time we have been there causes some heartache as we rent all of the upstairs and a large potion of the basement which means we hear “things” that no one wants to hear! Additionally in that small little “apartment” he has a large dog (lab-type), and a little corgi; and they let them out to bark at all hours and in all temperatures. I finally had to call animal control in order to protect our sanity and the health of the dogs. That seems to have helped for now…we will see!

Ok the other serious drawback that actually causes me more stress than the basement neighbors is not having a yard for Tuhla. In Laramie she had plenty of space to go play and poop and just be a dog. Not hear. One of the conditions we had to moving in was that first the dog run would lose the rock as she will not walk on it and second that she would have a fence in the front. Well none of that has happen. So everyday I let her out and she goes out and does her business but doesn’t get to lay in the grass and just enjoy! If something seriously doesn’t happen soon I may find myself saying something. We even bought a gate for Tuhla to be able to stay on the porch, but that still limits her for the bathroom. For those of you do not know it my heart for any animal is massive, but for our Tuhla it is even more so; so it breaks my heart to not see her entirely happy and enjoying being outside like she likes it. (**we went back to Laramie yesterday -10/28 – to clean in the old house and for MD appointments so she got to run and play and you could just see her spirits lift – which makes me feel even worse**).

Hopefully I will post pictures of our new home this weekend after I finish putting it together so everyone can see how awesome we are making it. (I have one more day in Laramie cleaning and then we are finally done other than going to see the kids or MD appointments; so that should lift some of the stress with our new home.) I have pictures on the walls, and much of the upstairs done. After the upstairs is done my next major project is to finish downstairs and do some winter cleaning…i.e. disposal of things we no longer need to be keeping.

Words of Advice: Always get it in writing…this time I have it in writing via email and text showing that new fence and what not should go in. Also, make sure that you are OK with someone else living below you and that you have met before signing on that dotted line. A year long lease can feel even longer if dealing with sounds and other issues. Make sure you and your spouse can handle this.

Words of Advice: Communicate, communicate, communicate. Tim and I saw a lot of houses. And as we went through them we were able to definitely tell from one anther’s comments that it was a no go, maybe, or as with the home we are in…in love with it. But it is good to talk it out and make sure there were no reservations. For me, that is where I failed. I am coming to love our home but because of things I have seen, and knowing our needs I had reservations and failed to express them until after we had already signed on the dotted line. Fortunately my wonderful husband has graciously eased my worries and helped me to see past the reservations for our future.

Home Sweet Home!

So that is our last several months in a nutshell. As I finish putting our life together at the new house I will do a post showcasing our new home. But until then stay tuned for more exciting posts on….your guess is as good as mine.

Cloudy With A Chance of Hope

The word negative or negativity has been part of my vocabulary lately.  It seems like there is a lot of negativity in this world we live in right now.  I see it at work, on social media, and even in my home.  So here is my question what can we do to be less negative and be happy with where we are at?  It is my hope that someone reading this will take it to heart change their perspective.

First let’s start with some nuggets of wisdom:

• A person does not always need to be right!  Often times we will ruin relationships over making sure we are right, and the other person is wrong.  Ask yourself this question “Would I rather be right or would I rather be kind?” “What difference will it make to be right?” “Will it make a difference in 5, 10, or 20 years from now?” “Is your ego really that big?”
• Do you need to always be in control?  I admit this is an issue I face…when I am not in control I have issues of anxiety, as do most people.

“By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond winning.” Lao Tzu

• Give up on blame.  Give up on your need to blame others for what you have or don’t have, for what you feel or don’t feel. Stop giving your powers away and start taking responsibility for your life.
• Stop complaining! Give up your constant need to complain about those many, many, maaany things – people, situations, events that make you unhappy, sad and depressed. Nobody can make you unhappy, no situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. It’s not the situation that triggers those feelings in you, but how you choose to look at it. Never underestimate the power of positive thinking. A perfect example of this is when people drive down the road…you complain if they have the wrong lights, you complain if someone isn’t going the speed you want, you complain if someone is following to close…
• Stop the criticism of those that are different! Stop complaining because someone doesn’t cut their hair as short as you think it should be, or if they don’t help the way you think they should be.  Give up your need to criticize things, events, or people that are different from you.  Don’t even label those who are different – this is an issue we see right now when someone is labeled as having white privilege or Christian, or liberal, or this generation.

A mentality that can lead to negative thoughts includes:  criticizing others, being attracted to drama, having a victim mentality, always expecting the worst, feeling depressed, taking things personally, and dwelling on bad news.

Now let’s get rid of the negativity in our lives, not caused by us…

• Do not feel guilty about cutting negativity and negative people from your life. Let me tell you this pandemic has done wonderful things for me in this area.  Not only am I away from those at work, but even those in our community.  And the ones that are positive have come out of the woodwork to help more and more.  One of my colleagues and friends from work has more than once helped me with physical labor due to my own limitations and always does it with a joyful and glad heart. Sometimes this means even cutting family from our lives.  I have more than one relative who is negative to the point I purposely
• Arguing with the negative and being pulled into their drama is ineffective.  When I am with someone who is negative driving and causes all kinds of drama I have learned to do my best to sit back, place my hands in my lap and look out the passenger’s window and ignore the tirade.  I believe when they stop getting the attention to their tirades they are less likely to keep down that road of negativity.
• Like attracts like.  Remember the old adage your parents told you about how appearances are everything when it comes to who your friends are?  Well, it is true.  If you surround yourself with positive they will help you to remain happy and keep your joy focused on where it came from.  In the movie War Room, the actress Pricilla Shirer plays Elizabeth Jordan, and near the end of the movie as she finds her way with God she takes control of her house from the devil by telling him you may not steal my joy…it is not found in my kids, in my job, in my home and not my husband and you may not have it.  Part of the way that Elizabeth gets there is by surrounding herself with people who helped her find her way!
• Find a new hobby.  I say that but for me, that hobby isn’t a hobby it is a relationship.  I have gone deeper than ever before in my relationship with God; my prayer life is constant.  But for those who are not like me find something that others do that keeps you positive.  Take up knitting, or painting.  Or something else I have started doing is walking our greenway and going down to the river to play in the water with my dog.  So relaxing and rejuvenating.
• Recite positive affirmations. We all in one way or another have done this.  I like to post positive sayings on my whiteboards at work, and scripture at home or even at work to remind me who I belong to.  Have something you have memorized you can say to yourself when negativity starts to rear its ugly head.  As a Christian scripture memorization is important.  I often find myself praying Psalm 139 to myself and over others; especially the part about God knowing what we would say even before we say it.
• Recognize when you are falling into a negative pattern.

Some signs that you are falling into a negative thought pattern include limiting your thoughts to black-and-white beliefs without considering anything in the middle, trying to predict the future, making over-generalizations, and catastrophizing small events.

• Practice gratitude. Be thankful for what you have, even if it seems like a little thing.  Change your perspective.  Remind yourself of what is good in your life.  Appreciate the things others may not notice…tonight as I got home from visiting my husband I looked up into our night sky and appreciated the clarity and the beauty of it.  One other way I do this is with my prayer journal, not only do I have prayers but praises that I can look back on and find gratitude on.
• I love you!  Don’t forget to say it.
• Do not be a gossiper!  Gossip is toxic.  Stop talking about others; praise them to their face.
• Compliment others regularly.  How are is it to say thank you for what others do?  Appreciate how someone looks and tell them. Tell someone if you notice how awesome a garden is.

Mantra

Introduction

It does not matter if you are a Christian, atheist, Buddist, Muslim or any other faith, you will face trials and tribulations in this life.  As my pastor puts it:

“storms are a fact of life, aren’t they? No matter where you live, at some point or in some way, you’re going to encounter a storm. Loss of a job, sickness or disease, death of a loved one, whatever it is; we all face storms. As much as we would love there to be no storms in life in 2020, that’s probably not going to be the case. All of us are going to face some kind of storm. Storms are coming” (Maness, 2020)!

Throughout history, man has had to deal with suffering, and the only way to deal with it was to have a mantra of understanding and a way to be resilient after the storm.

On 11 September 2001 as I watched the towers crumble and prepared my husband to return to the military base the question on my mind was not “why would God let this happen,” rather “how can people do this to one another?”  But everyone who suffers comes back to one basic question all ask:  Why?  In order to deal with that existential question must first determine if there is, in fact, a God, and second determine what their mantra or life doctrine is, and finally how they can apply it.

Mantra

“For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord.  They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen.  If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.  I will be found by you, says the Lord.” Jeremiah 29.11-14 (NLT).  No matter what has gone on in my life I have never had to ask the question “Why?” until recently.  In 2014 I began asking God “why” a lot and seeking to understand why He would allow me to go through a recent divorce and issues at home…but no answer has come other than Jeremiah 29.11, where He has reminded me that He knows what His agenda is for me and that it is for a hope and future.  That does not mean I will be “spared pain, suffering, or hardship (Tyndale, 2011, p. 1250)” but that God will see me through to a magnificent ending. In order to get to this point though it was necessary to break down who God is, the definition of suffering, and all of what defines suffering and why it exists.

Defining Suffering

The simplest definition of suffering is broken down into an experience that effects physically, psychologically, economically, “social pain, distress or loss” (Tabb, 2017, p. 126). It is important to recognize that what one person may consider suffering another may not.  The acts of suffering we see today as a society are the same ones seen in the Old and New Testament:  false accusations, beatings, murder plots, murder, and a host of natural disasters to include a shipwreck that Paul fell victim to.  It is also important to understand the words that society utilizes to explain suffering and the traumas that cause suffering.  According to Strong’s Greek Dictionary, the concept of suffering is to “undergo evils or to be afflicted (“Strong’s Greek: 3958. πάσχω, (paschó) — to suffer, to be acted on,” 2020).  Furthermore, as we go a step further and look at the things that cause suffering…trauma which according to the Greek “literally means:  wounds, injury, damage caused by external violence” (“word trauma (derived from the Greek language) literally means: Wound, injury, damage caused by external violence. Nowadays T,” 2020).

When society speaks about suffering or the wounds caused by external violence – it is important to recognize there are two kinds of traumas that lead to suffering.  There is the kind that is derived out of man’s free will and that that comes from nature.  Much of the suffering that comes due to free will can be part of generational curses or as so many are shouting today about historical trauma.  “Pioneering studies in epigenetics reveals that our life experiences and choices do change us, including our brains, down to the DNA level. And these changes can be passed onto our children and further down the hereditary line. Epigenetics gives insight into how our diets, work environment – even one-off traumatic events – can change the genetic legacy we pass onto our children and grandchildren” (J, 2019). While it is true that as children of those who have sinned before that those learned sins can cause trauma internally and to future generations it is a choice whether to continue that sin.  Each man and woman that walks this earth must take personal responsibility for their actions (Lee, 2018).

Sin and Suffering

This leads man to understand that their suffering is a result of original sin.  God did create perfect earth and in doing so perfect people but He still gave them the freedom to make choices.  “Luke presents human suffering as a fundamental expression of the world’s brokenness because of sin against God and Satan’s oppression” (Tabb, 2017, p. 12). In Jeremiah 8 the prophet speaks to the brokenness of God’s people, the weeping heard across all the land, the feelings of abandonment…all issues brought on by the sin of the Israelites as they turned away from God.  What the children of God need to remember though is that God promises to rebuild and bring back those who feel exiled.  He will heal the brokenhearted; He will heal all their wounds Psalm 147.2-3.

The other part of sin and suffering to remember is that not all suffering is a result of sin.  Rather everyone will die, everyone will suffer – it is what man does with that suffering that matters and whether there is repenting of sin.  In Luke 13.1-5 Jesus addresses those around him when he learns that some of his followers have been murdered and fallen victim to natural calamities.  He says to those followers that suffering will occur, but Christ is still with them.

Paul goes onto explain that the reason that the earth continues to exhibit things like storms, earthquakes, and fires has to do with the original sin when Adam and Eve were kicked out of the perfect earth and the curse that fell upon them also fell on nature as well and it too awaits the day when Christ will return to earth to save all from “death and decay” Romans 8.18-22 (NLT).  “Sin causes suffering indirectly (because of sin this earth is corrupted, deteriorating, painful and evil – Genesis 3:14-19; 4:1-15; Romans 8:20-22)” (“Why is there suffering?” 2004).

The Christian Dilemma – How Can a Loving God Allow Suffering

In Hebrews 4.14-16 it says from the Message version “Now that we know what we have—Jesus, this great High Priest with ready access to God—let’s not let it slip through our fingers. We don’t have a priest who is out of touch with our reality. He’s been through weakness and testing, experienced it all—all but the sin. So let’s walk right up to him and get what he is so ready to give. Take the mercy, accept the help.” Christ walked the exact same road that each person on this earth did, the only difference being He did not falter to temptation.  It is not like God does not feel our suffering.

As the mother of three beautiful daughters, I have seen them fall and skin their little hearts because of disobedience, because of the sin of others, because of life.  Never at any time did I not feel their pain and cry over their brokenness, but as parents, we realize that in order to learn why mom and dad are important, why obedience is important sometimes a child has to feel the pain of the fire or the spanking.  God is or Father, Abba…

“In ignorance to God, we could search high and low for the reason of the brokenness, but the truth is, beneath it all, the problem is spiritual. Really, we are the problem (Romans 3:23). We have not lived for God, we have not followed His rules, rather we have made our own. We have not valued a relationship with Him. The Bible calls this sin. Sin is running from God, trying to do life our own way. Sin is taking the title of God and putting it upon ourselves. It is because of sin that we as humans have become hostile not only towards God but towards others. The Bible says the consequence of sin is death” (Skewes, 2017).

Fortunately, while the wages of sin are death…Abba sent His only begotten son to take away and make us new.  Obedience is so important and sometimes we have to learn it through post-traumatic growth.

The Sovereignty of God and Disasters

So often the question of ‘If God is so loving and wants to take care of His children, then why doesn’t he stop the natural storms in life.  Why did he allow the fires to quench the land in California?  Why did he allow the tsunami in Japan to kill so many people?  Or when the terrorists crashed into the Twin Towers why did he not stop the planes?  Why didn’t he stop the drunk driver from running into that family?  These questions are not from someone who really wants God to take their freedom away; they do not want God to cover their mouth when they stub their toe.  Only certain evils do people want God to stop – harms against others.  “But that would make life impossible.  There would be no freedoms, no regularity, and no personal responsibility” (“Why is there suffering?,” 2004).  God is not the creator of bad things, but He does let bad things happen because He gives His children free will (“Why does God let bad things happen?” 2018). But take heart because even though God sees His children will go through suffering He gives his children peace and courage to get through it and the promise that he will overcome the world (John 16.33).  Then in 1 Corinthians 13, God goes onto explain further through Paul that the reason that His children may not understand the perfectly imperfect world is that while God has secrets we will never know the answers to until called Home and that for now our vision is veiled like looking through the reflections of a mirror.

The question that people keeps being asked is of this sovereign God can eradicate evil and suffering and is so awesome why doesn’t he just do it?  Why doesn’t he make a perfect world?  The problem with this question is that the people asking the questions haven’t read the whole story.  They are only reading the cliff notes, and not even all of them.  God does promise there will be a restored and perfect earth; He just has not completed the story yet. (Strobel, 2012).  So what is taking God so long to restore His people and this earth?  In 2 Peter 3.8-9, Peter reminds the growing Christians that a thousand years to man is like one day to God and that He is not being slow in fulfilling His promise rather He wants as many of His children to return to him and not be part of the suffering that never ends.

The Benefits of Suffering

Currently, my pastor is speaking about living in a fragile world.  Our theme verse for this series is from 2 Corinthians 4.7 where it says that “we now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars contain this great treasure.  This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves.” (NLT).  Paul goes on to show the benefits of being fragile and going through suffering in 2 Corinthians 12.7-10 where he talks about the thorn God has allowed to be in the flesh (a messenger from Satan to torment him), but keeps him from being proud and to rejoice in his weaknesses because when we are weak He is strong.  We do not know what this thorn was, but clearly, he thanked God for it rather than asking it to be removed because it reminded Paul not to be proud and that his strength came only from God.

Meaning and Purpose of Suffering

“1. If God exists, because he is both all-powerful and all good, he does not allow any utterly pointless pain and suffering but ensures that all pain and suffering will result in ultimate good.
2. God does exist.
————————————————————————–
3. Therefore there is no utterly pointless pain and suffering from the perspective of belief in God” (Christ Presbyterian Church, n.d.).

We have freedom but it is not absolute freedom, rather than belongs to God – Psalm 139 and Acts 2.22-24. In both of these passages, Christians see that God knows what man will do before he or she even does it.  God will use the hardening of another, or the suffering all will go through to show His glory.  God will allow a man to feel suffering and go through that in order to be empathetic to others and to show God’s love.  Billy Graham speaks about this when the MGM caught fire and how those who came into the arena he was preaching in show empathy and love to the victims because God gave them that ability from their own suffering (Graham, 2007).

Too often as both Christians and others, the flesh in us cannot see why God is doing something, and honestly many may never see why events occur the way they do.  But there will be just enough biblical truths for believers to be able to have “the points of light” that direct us to God’s love and obedience.  “And as we follow those lights, they will lead us toward some conclusions that I believe can help satisfy our hearts and souls” (Strobel, 2012).  Paul reminds the Corinthians of this in 1 Corinthians 2.9 when he pointed out that one day may seem like the worst there is, but that the glories that await God’s children in heaven are incomparable to the suffering on earth.

Can Suffering be Positive

There is a song called Blessings by Laura Story that truly has been my go-to song when I find myself broken and finding the suffering a little harder to handle.  In the chorus she says,

“Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops.  What if your healing comes through tears? What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know you’re near?  What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise” (Story, n.d.)?

It has been with this song that I have cried when my oldest child decided to severe our relationship.  It has been with this song that when I divorced my husband that I cried.  It has been with this song as this world began the first twenty-first pandemic that not only have I cried but also has finally understood that my tears and the thousand sleepless nights have drawn me closer to him.  My relationship with him is now not just wide, but deep.  I have been able to take my experience with suffering and turn it into a story that can help others.  My story of loving unconditionally a prodigal daughter, my story of divorce and depression when going through social isolation has allowed a mutual connection that shows the vulnerability and ability to relate with others through Christ (Bain et al., 2019, p. 165).

Biblical Teaching on Suffering

In John 16.33 God shows His children that He has not abandoned them but has given them the tools to deal with the issues of pain and suffering.  He has given them peace to deal with the present and the courage to deal with what will come.  Additionally, if as Christians we put on the Armor of God we can stand against the strategies of the devil.  While many sufferings man goes through will be physical in nature if we are utilizing all of God’s armor…truth, righteousness, peace, committing scripture to memory, faith, salvation, and the sword of the Spirit then when suffering comes we will be ready to handle it and will send out Jehovah Nissi before us to fight the battles that could tear us down.

Conclusion

Deuteronomy 29.29 says, “The Lord our God has secrets known to no one.  We are not accountable for them, but we and our children are accountable forever for all that He has revealed to us, so that we may obey all the terms of these instructions (NLT).  No matter where we go in life, no matter what happens we will face trials and tribulations; and not always will understand why we are meant to go through them as they are God’s secret.  But what we do know is that God has a hope and a future for His children and that with that light to illuminate the way we can have peace and courage to continue, continuing on.  We will grow tired and weary but God will give us rest both as his individual children who understand parts of suffering and teach the church through experience what that looks like and how to be prepared to help both His children in our church communities and across this nation.

References

Bain, D., Brady, M., & Corns, J. (2019). Philosophy of suffering: Metaphysics, value, and Normativity. Routledge.

Christ Presbyterian Church. (n.d.). How can I reconcile belief in god with suffering? Christ Presbyterian Church: New Haven, CT. https://www.cpcnewhaven.org/how-can-i-reconcile-belief

Cisney, J., & Jenkins, D. (2020). Presentations: The nature of disaster deployment – team coordination and care.

Graham, B. (2007, November 30). Suffering: Why does god allow it? Billy Graham Evangelistic Association. https://billygraham.org/story/suffering-why-does-god-allow-it/?fbclid=IwAR3RsJ1KRGSk-BaFuvL5-PTwE6zRwMgIEZmrtoVws-AzCT_HD7AOkvfnXPE

1. (2019, October 25). Science confirms Bible on generational curses. Conquer Series. https://conquerseries.com/science-confirms-bible-on-generational-curses/

Koenig, H. G. (2006). In the wake of disaster: Religious responses to terrorism and catastrophe. Templeton Foundation Press.

Lee, M. (2018, June 6). Q&A: We need a Christ-centered theology of trauma. CT Women. https://www.christianitytoday.com/women/2018/june/we-need-christ-centered-theology-of-trauma-metoo-movement.html

Maness, J. (2020, March 22). Graverobber: Storms [PDF Document]. https://elementchurch.life/sermon/graverobber-week-5-strength-in-storms/

Mickelson, A. (1984). Why did God let it happen. Christianity Today, 28(005), 22-24. http://ezproxy.liberty.edu/login?url=https://search-proquest-com.ezproxy.liberty.edu/docview/200642512?accountid=12085

Skewes, R. (2017, May 9). FAQ: Why does god allow evil? Medium. https://thejourney.yesheis.com/why-does-god-allow-evil-795fa825c3ff

Story, L. (n.d.). Lyrics to blessing by Laura story – Google search. Google. https://www.google.com/search?client=firefox-b-1-d&q=lyrics+to+blessing+by+laura+story

Strobel, L. (2012, July 22). Why does god allow tragedy and suffering? CT Pastors. https://www.christianitytoday.com/pastors/2012/july-online-only/doesgodallowtragedy.html?fbclid=IwAR2Urg54UGwxd-B0Y45L7bl_q_eo8yabeR82p7sG_O_EueMJDjzlnJCeJic

Strong’s Greek: 3958. πάσχω, (paschó) — to suffer, to be acted on. (2020). Bible Hub: Search, Read, Study the Bible in Many Languages. https://biblehub.com/greek/3958.htm

Tabb, B. J. (2017). Suffering in Acts: Exegesis. In Suffering in ancient worldview: Luke, Seneca and 4 maccabees in dialogue (pp. 121-154). Bloomsbury Publishing.

TerKeurst, L. (2014). The best yes: Making wise decisions in the midst of endless demands. Thomas Nelson.

Tyndale. (2011). Jeremiah. In NLT study Bible (pp. 1197-1291). Tyndale House Publishers.

Why does god let bad things happen? (2018, March 6). Institute in Basic Life Principles. https://iblp.org/questions/why-does-god-let-bad-things-happen

Why is there suffering? (2004, June 4). Bible.org | Where the World Comes to Study the Bible. https://bible.org/article/why-there-suffering

The word trauma (derived from the Greek language) literally means: Wound, injury, damage caused by external violence. Nowadays T. (2020). Traumacentre Belgium | Traumacentrum België. https://www.traumacentrum.be/en/file/18/download%3Ftoken%3Drfr7cRU0+&cd=2&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us&client=firefox-b-1-d

 

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Robbie, Tony, George,

The past three months our world has gone through many trials and tribulations as survival was the main goal during our first pandemic of the twenty-first century.  And as our country seems to be settling into a new normal an appalling act happens…police brutality. I have struggled with what to say and what to feel.  This act of police brutality is nothing new, and it is nothing new on all people.  Because I want to address the facts, I am going to break this up into sections. I am going to address law enforcement – specifically the bad but also the good. I will address race – and when I say that I want you to know I see all color!

Law Enforcement

Here is the issue with speaking out after the George Floyd death – this is more than a black man killed at the hands of white police officers. This is not just a race issue…only one short year ago a white man in Dallas was killed…a white man at the hands of bad police. I am not removing the fact that George Floyd is black, rather am showing that this is not just a race issue.  There are multiple issues that need to be addressed when putting a microscope on the death of George Floyd and law enforcement.

So let’s get down and dirty here:

• There needs to be a better selection process when hiring law enforcement officers.
• For those law enforcement officers who are the right ones we need to have better education on mental health, on cultures, on different world views and we need to have a way to minister to law enforcement so that burnout and compassion fatigue do not occur causing good cops to turn bad.
• We need to recognize color – we are each different and there is nothing wrong with that.
• We need to recognize that there are issues surrounding the differences we have and the cultures that are part of that; to include that there is a disproportionately large amount of crime in the black/brown culture especially on each other.
• Lastly we as the citizens of the United States need to take responsibility to keep government officials and law enforcement accountable that not all of them are bad. We need to remember when we protest to do it responsibly and not violently or this happens:

These are just a few of the law enforcement departments that have felt the pain and loss of officers:

-A Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Officer was shot in the back of the head while struggling with a rioter

-An active shooter opened fire on law enforcement at a Las Vegas courthouse

-4 St. Louis Police Officers were shot by an active shooter

-A New York Police Officer was struck by a vehicle

-3 Buffalo law enforcement officers were struck by a vehicle in front of the police station

-3 Davenport law enforcement officers were ambushed and 1 was shot

-132 officers were injured in Chicago during a riot

-9 Pittsburg officers were injured by objects during a riot

-Several officers in Rhode Island were injured during riots

-An active shooter opened fire at the Oakland Police Department

-2 officers were struck in the head with projectiles in Santa Ana

-2 Richland officers were shot in Virginia

-1 officer was struck in the head by a brick in Albany

-4 Prince William County Police Officers sustained head injuries from projectiles

-7 officers were injured in Sacramento

-Several officers were shot at and injured in Lynchburg

-Several Champaign Police Officers were injured

-3 Oak Law Police Officers were injured

-21 officers were injured in Salt Lake City

-At least 50 Secret Service Agents were injured by Molotov cocktails in Washington

-3 Denver Police Officers were ran over by a vehicle

-33 New York Police Officers were injured during riots

-6 Athens Police Officers injured during a protest

-2 Capitol Police Officers were injured during a riot in Harrisburg

-12 Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Officers were injured during riots

-21 Minneapolis law enforcement officers injured in riots

-1 Federal Protective Services Officer was shot and killed!

 

For example, Nix would want numbers not only on how many times a police officer shoots their weapon, but every time they draw their gun. “You need a benchmark that says how often they were in certain circumstances where they could have shot but did not. That gets us closer to the likelihood of racial bias.” (Mock, 2019)

Race

“Racism is not a thing that white people can have and black people can’t. And nobody’s research would suggest that it does.” (Mock, 2019)

It is important to recognize why there is such an issue with race relations here in the United States and the reason that is being utilized for blaming problems in the Black and Brown community on White people.

Historical trauma is considered trauma that is perpetuated on multiple generations “experienced by a specific culture, racial or ethnical group” (“Trauma,” n.d.). Many would suggest that those black and brown people who succumb to historical trauma face further complications with the treatment of their trauma because they continue “to live among and with the perpetrators of their trauma, the United States Governments and its people” (Cash, 2016, p. 330). Historical trauma is a learned behavior that is handed down from one generation to the next but is not necessarily experienced firsthand, i.e. the Holocaust, slavery in the United States, Trail of Tears, etc.  Historical trauma does lead to PTSD in around 14% of victims who have historical traumas; these are traumas that must be treated in a fashion that is different from other traumas.  Historical trauma and PTSD, the treatments for them, how to treat those who fall victim to historical trauma, and a biblical view of historical trauma must be addressed in truth and love.

Different does not mean inferior! Currently, in the United States, there is a civil war that is being fought by what some define as an at-risk community:  those that are black or brown-skinned. Because these people – who many do not know their cultural heritage – are choosing to claim historical trauma as a valid reason for their fight it is necessary to look at why they claim that and what led to such a claim.

The United States is estimated to have 331,002,651 people; 60.4% of those are white, 13.4% are black, with the remaining 26.2% being other races (“U.S. Census Bureau QuickFacts: the United States,” n.d.).  The United States covers three point five million square miles, with a majority of the perceived white-skinned Americans living in states that are not on the oceanic borders.  The history of the United States can trace its origins to 1587 when the first colony was established by the Kingdom of England.  Those part of the original colonies came to the new land to escape religious persecution.

“Many consider a significant starting point to slavery in America to be 1619, when the privateer The White Lion brought 20 African slaves ashore in the British colony of Jamestown, Virginia. The crew had seized the Africans from the Portuguese slave ship Sao Jao Bautista” (History.com Editors, 2009). It is projected that during the 18th century those six to seven million slaves were imported to the American colonies from Africa. The idea of slavery does not start in the United States colonies, rather most slave traders were Africans who captured and sold men, women, and children from rival tribes to the Spanish, Portuguese, French and British (Sieff, 2018). Please note that when slavery first began in the colonies people of color could earn their freedom as Anthony Johnson (the first Black slave owner) did and in turn owned slaves until his death.  But let this narration go further and show that slavery can trace its roots back long before the American colonies were even a dream…remember the Hebrew people were enslaved to the Egyptians. This narration is offered as an explanation of what many are considering current black and brown-skinned American citizens to be suffering from historical trauma and PTSD brought on by a systemic brand of slavery and discrimination.

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Historical Trauma

“Historical trauma is cumulative and collective.  The impact of this type of trauma manifests itself, emotionally and psychologically, in members of different cultural groups” (“How Being Trauma-Informed Improves Criminal Justice System Responses,” n.d.).  Those who suffer from historical trauma may suffer from anxiety, depression, and PTSD as both direct survivors and the progeny of the event.  This has been widely studied and for the longest period with survivors and the children from the Holocaust.  According to Yael Danieli, PhD, co-founder, and director of the Group Project for Holocaust Survivors and Their Children in New York, there are four types of adaptive styles that have been observed of those who are victims both directly and indirectly of historical trauma to include the:

people who have difficulty moving on from the original trauma and are emotionally volatile and overprotective, and “numb,” those who are emotionally detached, intolerant of weakness in others and who maintain a “conspiracy of silence” within the family (DeAngelis, 2019).

Of the two described above, it can be suggested that those who utilize the excuse of slavery and the effects it has on those who came to this land as slaves over two hundred years ago are those who seem themselves as victims.  The generation that is claiming historical trauma is nearly eighty years removed from the death of the last slave from Africa; in fact, the grandchildren of the last slave (Matilda McCrear) to be brought to America are in their late 80s and 90s.  Her great-great-grandchildren speak not of a historical trauma rather pride and “create some personal pressure to persevere” (Diouf, 2020). This story of the McCrears/Crears as the author points out is a story of “tragedy and loss; of migrations, forced and voluntary; of strong family ties, determination and achievement” (2020).  It is also a story that can represent the many African Americans who have overcome and not allowed a trauma to dictate their successes.

In the book Trauma and Human Rights: Integrating Approaches to Address Human Suffering the author shows that historical trauma is not just transmitted through “parental behaviors affected by PTSD and related symptomatology” but also because of ongoing structural violence (Butler et al., 2019, p. 17).  For those who feel they are suffering from historical trauma, there is a way to look at it and understand the issues that have faced Native Americans, Holocaust survivors, African Americans, the poverty-stricken, and yes even victims of terrorism:  it is called historical unresolved grief.  This is a philosophical unresolved sorrow stemming from collective destructive injuries, aggravated by injunctions and intrusion in traditions and observances.

In Native Americans and African Americans, it can be seen that this historical trauma for those who do not seek treatment has distinct effects on the sympathetic nervous system and the endocrine system.  Because of this those who experience historical trauma are more likely to have psychological distress, poor physical health, and higher suicide rates.  Much of this is brought on because of internalized oppression (Panasiewicz, 2020, pp. 16-18). It can even be suggested that those who are not directly victims of the historical trauma are suffering from secondary trauma.  In Holocaust Literature of the Second Generation the phrase “intergenerational transmission of trauma” is utilized to describe historical trauma.  The author uses it as a way of explaining that cultures who suffer from historical culture due so as a means of cultural identity – descendants of the trauma are symbolic memorial candles that are expected to continue to carry on the hurt of their parents and grandparents rather than break free (Vaul-Grimwood & Le, 2007, pp. 7-10).

 Biblical Worldview

My brother who is black, brown, white, yellow, or red is no different from me.  “God created human beings in his image.  In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them” Genesis 1.27 (NLT). The Bible was used as a tool for many to justify slavery and other acts of discrimination for many years, but as scholars of the Bible came forward it can be seen that God never intended those in slavery to be treated ill.  In fact, throughout Exodus God lays out how slaves are to be treated: food is to be shared with them, if a slave marries a son she is to be a daughter, slaves are not to be beaten unless the owner faces punishment himself…  The issue comes though that we are all a slave to something…”For you are a slave to whatever controls you” 2 Peter 2.19b (NLT).  I would postulate that if we are allowing historical trauma to control us we are a slave to it.  The Bible regularly uses the idea of slavery and being bound by hackles as imagery for all people to understand how sin harnesses the flesh.  But just as the imagery of the slave is used so are verses like that found in Micah 6 where the Israelites use sacrifices and other religious rituals to appease Jehovah and Micah reminds the children of God that he wants them to have truly changed lives that reflect fairness, justice, mercy, and humility. “No, O people, the Lord has told you what is good, and this what he requires of you: to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God” Micah 6.8 (NLT).

“The term trauma, meaning “wound,” comes from Greek antiquity. The range of meanings attested at the time includes being severely hurt, physical wounds, wounding, (military) defeat, and psychic wounds. Over the centuries, studies of trauma have been part of various disciplines: mental health fields, literature, and the arts as well as religion” (Guerrero, 2015).

Our wounds and how we treat one another can be traced back to original sin.  When Adam and Even were removed from the garden because of their sin God said that while he forgave them, their disobedience led to a broken fellowship with Abba.  This broken relationship can be seen throughout Genesis and throughout history as a result of this original sin.  But oh how good Yahweh is…in Isaiah, we see even before Jesus walked the earth that he would be “pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins.  He was beaten so we could be whole.  He was whipped so we could be healed” 53.5 (NLT).  Our wounds can be healed, and the generational sins and wounds passed down can be removed and healed as well.  I am reminded as a Christian that no matter how bad I have been wounded, no matter how bad others may treat me that God has “plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a hope and a future” Jeremiah 29.11 (NLT).

Tomorrow as I walk amongst my brothers and sisters of different cultures, I will remember they are made in God’s image and I will love them no matter the hurt they carry. I will also not hate them because of their struggles and I will offer them the love of the Lord and understanding.  I will also not be ashamed of who I am and where I have come from no matter what others may say.

References

Barlow, J. N. (2018). Restoring optimal Black mental health and reversing intergenerational trauma in an era of Black Lives Matter. Biography, 41(4), 895-908. https://doi.org/10.1353/bio.2018.0084

Butler, L. D., Critelli, F. M., & Carello, J. (Eds.). (2019). Trauma and human rights: Integrating approaches to address human suffering. Springer.

Cash, A. (2016). Wiley concise guides to mental health: Posttraumatic stress disorder. John Wiley & Sons.

DeAngelis, T. (2019, February). The legacy of trauma. https://www.apa.org. https://www.apa.org/monitor/2019/02/legacy-trauma

Diouf, S. A. (2020, March 27). The last slave ship survivor and her descendants identified. http://www.nationalgeographics.com. https://www.nationalgeographic.com/history/2020/03/last-slave-ship-survivor-descendants-identified/

Friedman, M. J. (2015). Posttraumatic and acute stress disorders. Springer.

Guerrero, C. (2015, October 14). Encountering trauma in the Bible. America: The Jesuit Review. https://www.americamagazine.org/faith/2015/10/14/encountering-trauma-bible

History.com Editors. (2009, November 12). Slavery in America. HISTORY. https://www.history.com/topics/black-history/slavery

Holder, M. R. (2015, August 13). Exploring the Potential Relationship between Historical Trauma and Intimate Partner Violence among Indigenous Women. Give the Gift of Education | American Indian College Fund. https://collegefund.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/Holder_Melissa_2015-Exploring-the-Potential-Relationship-Between-Historical-Trauma-and-Intimate-Partner-Violence-amoung-Indigenous-Women.pdf

How Being Trauma-Informed Improves Criminal Justice System Responses. (n.d.). Abbotsford Local Immigration Partnership | ALIP. https://www.abbotsfordlip.ca/files/File/resources/Historical%20Trauma%20Fact%20Sheet%20for%20APD%20Victim%20Services%202014.pdf

Mock, B. (2019, August 6). What New Research Says About Race and Police Shootings. Retrieved June 4, 2020, from https://www.citylab.com/equity/2019/08/police-officer-shootings-gun-violence-racial-bias-crime-data/595528/

Panasiewicz, M. (2020). Historical trauma and it’s effects. Tribal Law & Policy Institute.

Sieff, K. (2018, January 29). An African country reckons with its history of selling slaves. The Washington Post. https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/africa/an-african-country-reckons-with-its-history-of-selling-slaves/2018/01/29/5234f5aa-ff9a-11e7-86b9-8908743c79dd_story.html

Trauma. (n.d.). Administration for Children and Families. https://www.acf.hhs.gov/trauma-toolkit/trauma-concept

Tyndale. (2007). Genesis. In NLT study Bible (2nd ed.). Tyndale House Publishers.

U.S. Census Bureau QuickFacts: United States. (n.d.). Census Bureau QuickFacts. https://www.census.gov/quickfacts/fact/table/US/PST045219

Vaul-Grimwood, M., & Le, G. (2007). Introduction: Holocaust writing of the second generation. In Holocaust literature of the second generation (pp. 1-30). Macmillan.

What is PTSD? (2020). http://www.psychiatry.org. https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/ptsd/what-is-ptsd

Wilkins, E. J., Whiting, J. B., Watson, M. F., Russon, J. M., & Moncrief, A. M. (2012, October 27). Residual effects of slavery: What clinicians need to know. Springer. https://10.1007/s10591-012-9219-1

Williams-Washington, K. N., & Mills, C. P. (2018). African American historical trauma: Creating an inclusive measure. Journal of Multicultural Counseling and Development, 46(2), 246-263. https://doi.org/10.1002/jmcd.2018.46.issue-2

 

air force rotc

Let me start by saying I love the Air Force and being part of the AFROTC team. Let me also say this is my opinion only and not that necessarily of the Air Force or AFROTC as a collective. 

Every year students in the AFROTC program between their sophomore and junior year of college, with the exception of a select few travel to Maxwell AFB in Alabama for what is called field training. This is thousands of students. 

Each branch of the military that has ROTC does a similar summer program….Army, Navy, Marine Corp, Coast Guard and Air Force. All branches except the Air Force have cancelled their summer programs due to COVID19 this year. 

Students who are in ROTC, at least in the Air Force are not members yet of the Air Force thus are not treated the same. Some who are on scholarship are contracted as part of the individual ready reserves but again they are not held to the UCMJ either. 

This year the Air Force ROTC has decided to do a reduced field training but still have one. These students who attend will still fly from all over the world to participate in this program. The issue I have is there will be no quarantine of the helpers arriving now, the cost to bring the helpers has now increased because at the last minute they decided to make them arrive five days ahead of schedule (plane tickets were bought before this newest decision), and there is no plan in place for the future of students who may contract COVID19. 

Let’s break this down to my ultimate question…you are asking civilians who want to join the Air Force to go to another state where the mayor of the closest town has said there is no room in their hospitals, potentially be exposed and contract this virus. You then want them to be away from family, where if the virus gets ugly will not be near their sons and daughters to potentially say goodbye if they die. And to top it off after they get well you want to send them back where they may not now be allowed to join the Air Force because who knows if they can now pass a pulmonary function test because their lungs could have been damaged. And who knows what long term pulmonary issues they may have – who is gonna pay for that? Yep you guessed it right, they are up a creek without a paddle because the Air Force isn’t going to pay for it.

The Air Force will let their active duty members who may contract the disease to remain in the service and will for the rest of their lives pay for any care related to COVID19.  On top of that to protect those active duty members they are going to let them work from home if that is possible, but not the future generation of students who are to commission.  The comment made by a higher up when asked what the Air Force’s plan to take care of these cadets if they get sick was they would just have to suck it up.

Well I am sick and tired of hearing that our cadets can have the benefits and train in the military but they cannot be treated with the care of our active duty members should they be released from ROTC because of the Air Force’s misstep

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QUIZ TIME – TIME CHANGES THINGS

I took this quiz originally on 31 May 2016, four years ago.  Things have definitely changed in my life since this time.  I am leaving the original answers from four years ago and putting in my new answers below them in green if things have changed or I want to ad lib…where have you changed in the last four to five years?

A – Accidents

01. Have you ever been in a car accident? MULTIPLE, AND I PAY FOR THEM TO THIS DAY

In the last four years I have been involved in one more that has really taken its toll on my anxiety when driving.  But all of the accidents singularly and jointly have left their impact on my body.

02. Do you have a lot of scars? FIVE

Seven – Three from my emergency gall-bladder surgery, two from my hysterectomy, one on my knee from when I was little, and one from a stupid bet with my dad

03. Have you ever been in a fist fight with someone? YES

I want to add that this was when I was in junior high and it was in defense of someone I love.

04. Have you ever seriously hurt anyone by mistake? YES, AND I AM STILL TRYING TO MAKE AMENDS

I do not believe there is ever a time we as humans will live and not by accident or purpose not hurt someone.  I have hurt some family members deeply and have asked for forgiveness.  I now leave it in their hands.

05. Have you ever had stitches? Where? YES, INTERNALLY

Both inside and out.

B – Beauty

06. Do you consider yourself beautiful? I DON’T KNOW

My mom always used to say I had a stunning beauty; sometimes I see it and know what she was talking about.   What I do know is that I was chosen, redeemed and am a child of God and that is what matters.

07. Are you self-conscious of how you look? VERY MUCH SO

Shortly after I gave birth to my second child I stayed in sweats, didn’t do my make-up or hair….and yes when I am sick I still do that, but I learned from my mom during that time that how we feel on the outside can also reflect on our mental health.  So when I get up in the morning I try to get dressed, even if only into leggings and a cute top, do something with my hair and put on the bare minimum of make-up a least.

08. Do you put on a lot of makeup? DEPENDS ON WHAT I AM DOING

I can honestly say no.  On a day when I am just going out of the house in a ball cap I am likely to put on some foundation so I don’t burn when outside and eyeliner.  Today…I put on foundation, eye shadow, liner and blush.  I rarely if ever wear lipstick.  But it is all applied very modestly and is never caked on.

09. Would you ever consider getting plastic surgery? NO

I think if the opportunity presented itself and it was the right thing to do I may consider it. 

10. What do you think makes a person beautiful? BEAUTY ISN’T ABOUT JUST WHAT IS ON THE OUTSIDE…

I still firmly believe that true beauty starts on the inside and then may manifest itself to the outside. Something I notice about people tends to be their eyes.

C – Consequences

11. What was the longest amount of time you’ve been grounded for? I NEVER GOT GROUNDED…

12. What would you do if you got pregnant, keep it or have an abortion? I DON’T BELIEVE IN ABORTION

13. Do you ever think about how your actions affect other people? YES, ALL THE TIME

More today than every before I think about consequences and how my actions will affect those around me.  I often find myself asking God to guard my words so that when they come out of my mouth they will not do harm.

14. What do you think is the worst punishment someone could give you? TO BE BEATEN VERBALLY – TAKES LONGER TO HEAL FROM THIS THAN PHYSICALLY

I am working on my Master of Arts in Human Service Counseling with an emphasis in trauma and crisis.  One of the things I have learned – that I think I knew already – is that physical scars heal much easier than mental and spiritual ones do.  There is an old adage that goes “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me,” boy did someone get that wrong!

15. What is one thing you wish you didn’t do, just because it wasn’t worth it in the end? WHAT IF’S DON’T DO ANYONE ANY GOOD

There are always going to be regrets in life…whether we use them to learn and move forward is what matters.  I still believe what if’s do nothing but cause havoc and hurt to the present.

D – Dealing

16. When you are mad at someone, how do you show them? I GET VERY QUIET

I yell when I am madder than a wet hen.  It is something I did when my kids were little and something I do now when I have a big fight.  With that said, I don’t get mad…I get hurt and when I do I get quiet and reserved.  Not because I am trying to isolate, but because I have learned that when those times happen prayer is my weapon of choice.

17. Name a time when you had to be strong. WHEN HAVEN’T I

I honestly cannot think of one time when I was not either expected by myself or others to be strong no matter what.  I have learned though that my Creator is the one who is strong…I have to give it to him.

18. Have you ever dealt with a divorce or parents fighting? Any kind of abuse at home? YES

19. When people at school don’t accept you, or have problems with you, how do you react? I TEND TO JUST INTERNALIZE

I think to a degree I may still do this, but my attitude has also changed some.  When I was in K-12 I would internalize the lack of acceptance and pain it caused, and generally went off on my own.  Today, my attitude is, it is your loss.  But there is still some hurt from a lack of acceptance.

20. Have you ever lost someone to death? Explain how you got through it. I HAVE LOST SEVERAL GRANDPARENTS, AND KATHERHYN…YOU JUST GRIEVE AND EVENTUALLY WHILE YOU DON’T FORGET YOU START LIVING AGAIN

E – Experience

21. Have you ever had a job? Any volunteer jobs? I HAVE BEEN WORKING SINCE I WAS IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. I AM CURRENTLY THE CIRCULATION MANAGER FOR A NEWSPAPER. AND I HAVE DONE A LOT OF VOLUNTEER WORK OVER THE YEARS. CAN’T WAIT TILL THE DAY I CAN DO THAT AGAIN.

I currently work at the University of Wyoming as the AFROTC-UW Liaison.  I love my job and love being part of these young people’s lives.  I long for the day the Lord leads me to the job of my heart and allows me to return to volunteering.

22. Do you think that you are sexually experienced, or not at all? NOPE

NYOB

23. Have you gone through a lot emotionally, or has life been easy thus far? I HAVE HAD MY SHARE OF ISSUES

My new answer to this is Jesus carries me more times than not, both in the past and currently.  My relationship with him is no longer just long, but very deep.

24. Do you think you are ready to be on your own (have your own home, job, etc.)? I AM NOT SURE ANYONE IS EVER ENTIRELY READY TO BE ON THEIR OWN

I am a realist in that I know if something happen to my husband today, and I had to be in a home by myself, and doing life on my own I could do it.  But I would never be entirely alone.  I would have the support of family to see me through the dark times, and I would spend a lot of time with Abba.

25. How old do you act? MY AGE

I have had a lot of people that say while I do not look my age, I act much older than I am.

F – Family

26. Is there anyone in your family you don’t talk to? Why? YES, FOR REASONS OF SAFETY

This answer has not changed in why I do not talk to some, but it has also had an addendum added to it, in I have family that chooses not to talk to me any longer and I mourn daily for that relationship.

27. If you had to choose, family or friends? MANY WOULD SAY BLOOD BEFORE WATER, BUT I THINK THIS IS NOT AN EITHER/OR ANSWER

I was raised by what people term my step-mom.  She has never been my step-mom and never will be…she is MY MOM.  She is not blood, but I would choose her every day, and many times it has been over blood.

28. Can you tell your parents or one of your parents anything? NO

I believe there are things we neither share with our parents or our children.  One of my best friends is my daughter – when they grow up the relationship becomes vastly different – and I share much with her.

29. Do you have any siblings? If so, do you ever get jealous of them? I HAVE THREE – TWO BROTHERS AND A SISTER

I wish I had good relationships with them.

30. How often do you spend ‘quality time’ with family members? AS OFTEN AS I CAN

Not as often as I would like, but I do try and get cards out or a text message out to them.  I am not someone who likes to talk on the phone a lot, so I resort to the old fashioned letter.

G – Growing

31. How tall are you? How tall do you wish you were? 5.2, AND I AM PERFECT AT THIS HEIGHT

So for whatever reason I was measured at 5’3 recently.  That is growth, which is unusual at my age.  While I have always liked my height, I would not mind seeing a few more inches so my husband does not have to bend over or I stretch so far to get a kiss, especially as we age. There is a 16 inch difference in height between the two of us.

32. Do you think that you have grown more in the past year than any year before that? YES

I thought there was growth four years ago, but it was not the right kind of growth.  Here we are four years later and I have grown in so many ways…academically, physically, and most important spiritually.  Since COVID19 and having to be quarantined in my own home my relationship with my God has grown in ways I could never explain.  I rely on this relationship in a way I have never before done.  No longer is it just about knowing who God is, but knowing Abba intimately. 

33. As a person, do you think you are mature for your age or still act: MATURE

34. Are you scared to think that one day you will turn 30, then 40, then 50? NOPE

When I was younger I never was happy at the age I was…always wanted to be a little older.  I have no problem saying today I am 45 years of age.  Many think I do not look like I am in my forties, and I chalk that up to good genes and taking care of myself.  I also have others who say I act many years older than I am.  For me, I am OK with where I am with my age, and growing older no longer scares me the way I thought it might.

35. Do you believe you still have a lot to learn? WE HAVE THINGS TO LEARN EVERY DAY

My daughter says I am a professional student.  In the last five years I have earned a bachelor of science, a master of science and by December will have earned a master of arts.  I really would like to say I am done, but I would like to move to that final step and get my doctorate, but we will see what the Lord impresses upon my heart.  Either way I will never stop learning.

H – Hope

36. Love – real or not? REAL

37. Are you a pessimist of an optimist?

I am an optimist.  I will always believe that people are better, or give the benefit of the doubt.

38. Do you believe in fate, that everything happens for a reason, or do you think that our actions lead the way? I BELIEVE THAT WE CHOOSE THE FROM THE OPTIONS THAT GOD GIVE US

I do not believe it fate.  With that said…in Psalm 139 it says that God knows what we will do, what we will say, where we will go before we even do it.  But he knows that because he is the Alpha and Omega, and still says while I know what you’re going to do I let you make the choice. 

39. Do you think that after we die our spirit goes on? YES

Yes, but we choose where it will go after we leave this earth, by whether we choose Jesus or ourselves. 

40. What gives you hope when you just feel like dying? REALLY DEPENDS ON WHAT I AM DYING FROM

My hope is in Jesus and NO ONE can steal that from me.

I – Issues

41. Do you suffer from depression or constant sadness/loneliness? I HAVE DEPRESSIVE ISSUES BECAUSE OF MY PHYSICAL HEALTH

Because of some physical disabilities I have struggled with depression and anxiety.  I am since learned to deal with those issues in a natural and healthy way. 

42. Do you have any type of disease or disability? FIBROMYALGIA AND EARLY ONSET OF PARKINSON’S

I am in as close as can be a remission with both.  I chose five years ago to get off of all the big pharma drugs that in my opinion led to more trouble than good and use exercise, diet, and essential oils to feel better.

43. Are you currently in a hard relationship or have bad luck with the opposite sex? NOT A YES OR NO QUESTION

No relationship is easy.  Every relationship will  have hills and valleys and that is OK because it allows a person to grow both individually and together.

44. Do you think that you are alone in this world? I HAVE FELT THAT WAY BEFORE

I will never be alone.  No matter where I am I will always have family and my relationship with Abba.

45. How often do you think about death, suicide or running away?

The thought of death usually comes when I see loved ones and friends pass on.  On 29 May 2020 Grandpa Ola Campbell passed away at the age of 99 years…he was greeted in heaven with well done good and faithful servant.  I cannot wait for the day when I get to hear those words and sit at the feet of Jesus and know the trials and tribulations of this earth have passed. 

J – Jokes

46. Say a word or phrase that would not be funny to anyone but you & one of your friends (an inside joke) MOOSE

47. Are you usually the one who makes people laugh, Or the other way around? DEPENDS ON THE SITUATION

48. Do you cry when you laugh hard? SOMETIMES

49. Write down a hilarious moment you had with someone that makes you laugh to this day! I DON’T KNOW

Tim and I like to do things to “scare” each other, and see who gets the last laugh.  Saturday when he came home I was so absorbed in homework that neither I or Tuhla heard him until he was upstairs and coming into the hallway. Scared the dickens out of me, but boy did we laugh.

50. Do you ever get in trouble for laughing or talking a lot during class? NOPE I WAS QUIET

K – Knowledge

51. The purpose of school: to learn, to cause trouble or to hang out with friends? TO LEARN

52. Do people refer to you as smart, dumb, or average? SMART

Well at least my husband and kids refer to me this way.

53. What was the highest grade you have received (full course mark) ever? A+

54. What was your last average? This year would you like to maintain it or aim higher? 4.0, AND MAINTAIN

When I graduated with my Master of Science I did so with a 3.9.  This degree seems to be harder for me, so I will likely finish with a 3.2 and will be just as happy as I did my best.

55. What do you find the most interesting subject to be (to study or to talk about)? CRIMINAL JUSTICE

I still love to learn about the criminal justice system, but I have altered the route and what I learn about to help victims, those dealing in trauma.  So on an academic front I love to study counseling.  But just for me, I find that I am daily learning and desiring to learn about Abba.

L – Love

56. Are you currently in love? If not, have you been before? I AM DEEPLY IN LOVE

57. Do people around you show you a lot of love (tell you they love you, hug you, kiss you, etc.)? SOME DO

58. Is love worth it? I LOVE DEEPLY, UNCONDITIONALLY, AND WITH AN INTENSITY THAT SOMETIMES GETS ME IN TROUBLE

Love should never hurt, but sometimes it does. God so loved us that he sent his only son to die for us….that is the kind of love I want to always show…unconditional no matter the pain it causes.  Thank God he would never ask us to make the same kind of sacrifice as he did for us.

59. Do you hate it when girls in their young teenage years say they ‘love’ someone that they’ve been dating for a few months? NO

Love comes in many sizes, shapes, and colors.  Who am I to say they have no idea what love is.

60. Does it take a lot for you to say you love someone, or is it just a word? I AM VERY CAREFUL WHO I SAY IT TO

M – Money

61. Do you believe that money makes the world go round? NO

For where we lay up our treasures up here on earth, so will they be in heaven….my treasures are not monetary.

62. Is your family on the poor side, average, or above average when it comes to money? WOULDN’T YOU LIKE TO KNOW

I have family that are much better off than others.  But really I have quit looking at their checking account to see where they are, but rather where relationships, hearts, etc are.  I have family that are far wealthier than others, and yet have nothing in their bank account.

63. Are you saving up for college/university, or planning to? I AM CURRENTLY IN COLLEGE AND RELY ON GRANTS, SCHOLARSHIPS, AND LOANS

64. Would you rather win millions of dollars & be set for life, or find the perfect person to marry & start a family with? WHY CAN’T I HAVE BOTH

I am blessed to have marriage and family.  And while we are not always where we want to be financially it could be worse.  With that said…I would like to be much further ahead than we are right now, and have some very strong regrets about past financial decisions.

65. On a scale of 1-10, how important is money to you? YES, WILLIAM WITH THE PIGS, WITH THE PIGS

N – Naughty

66. Are you a virgin? I HAVE FOUR CHILDREN…WHAT DO YOU THINK

67. What do you think about doing sexual things with someone you’re not going out with? NOT HAPPENING

68. Do you know anybody you consider a ’slut’? What makes you say that? NO

69. If you could, would you erase some things you did in the past or make it so you did more? ABSOLUTELY

This goes back to what ifs and looking back.  I cannot change those decisions so rather than regretting and wishing them away I choose to learn and help others.

70. Do you consider yourself nicer or more naughty? You can’t say both! NICE

O – Openness

71. How long does it take for you to open up to someone? BECAUSE I OPEN MYSELF UP ENTIRELY I TEND TO GET HURT EASIER

I have stopped opening myself up entirely.  I choose who receives a little and who receives a lot.  I rely heavily on that still small voice to tell me who I give what to.

72. What does it take for you to fully trust someone? I DON’T KNOW

73. Are you generally untrusting towards people because of past experiences, or any other reason? I TEND TO GO WITH MY GUT ABOUT PEOPLE AND HOW I WILL TRUST THEM

To go with one’s gut means we aren’t relying on the one who created us.  I rely on Sarayu – also known as the holy spirit – the Bible describes the Holy Spirit as breath or the wind.

74. When are you comfortable with someone sexually? I DON’T KNOW, IT IS A FEELING

When I am married.

75. When it comes to parents and close friends, what’s the limit of what you can tell them? DEPENDS ON WHAT WE ARE TALKING ABOUT

As I mentioned before there are just somethings I do not tell my parents.  This is their time not to worry about the trials and tribulations that face me, but for me to worry over them.  I have learned as my children have progressed into adulthood my relationship has changed immensely with them and I tend to share much, much more with them.

P – Positive

76. Have you ever had an experience with someone that didn’t necessarily end positively? If so, would you rather erase the memory of that person because of the sad times or keep the memory of that person because of the good times? I MET A FRIEND THAT BECAME A BOYFRIEND WHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL…HE WAS A FULL BLOODED NATIVE AMERICAN. MY FATHER WAS COMPLETELY OPPOSED TO ME HAVING ANYTHING TO DO WITH HIM, BECAUSE OF HIS RACE…I REGRET NOT STANDING UP TO MY DAD. I REGRET I NEVER KEPT IN TOUCH. TO THIS DAY I CAN STILL SEE HIM, AND CERTAIN SMELLS REMIND ME OF HIM.

I would never erase memories.  I have never erased the memories of this young man, because there were many great ones.

77. Do you agree with the saying: better to have loved and lost than not have loved at all? YES

78. Are you more optimistic or pessimistic? What do you try to be? I TRY TO BE OPTIMISTIC, BUT I THINK LATELY PESSIMISM HAS TAKEN HOLD

I am optimistic.  I believe all have good and I look for that rather than the bad.

79. Do you agree that something good can come out of everything? YES

I have a cadet who had a terrible health issue arise.  She was hospitalized and was not expected to live.  The prognosis was grim and hope was dashed for many.  But the prayer warriors kicked in and now she is expected to walk out of her hospital room the first of August.  God will use anything and everything for his glory.

80. Have you ever had a time where something really bad happened, but something really good happened because of it? If so, please explain what it was: YES, AND I WON’T EXPLAIN

Q – Questions

81. When faced with a problem, do you ask for help or try to figure it out yourself? DEPENDS ON THE PROBLEM

It really depends upon the problem.  More and more for things that are mental and spiritual in nature I seek counsel.  I am aware of my limitations physically and have more than once gone to my work team for things at work, and my kids during the week for things at home.  I do try and do for myself first, but realize there is nothing wrong with asking for help.

82. Do you often question the world and how we came about? What are some things you would like to know about creation? NOPE

I do not ask these questions as my worldview is very clear.  I am a Christian, and I know who my creator is, and what-not.  Does that mean I don’t have questions…absolutely not and I look forward to the day I get to ask Abba…if they are still important.

83. Do you think the government is truthful? If you could ask the president one question, what would it be? NO I DO NOT THINK THE GOVERNMENT IS ALWAYS TRUTHFUL. AND ONE QUESTION…I DON’T KNOW THAT I COULD NARROW IT DOWN TO ONE

I think the government is not entirely transparent, and on somethings cannot be.  Are there things they need to be more transparent on?  Absolutely, but I also believe that we as citizens have a responsibility to hold accountable our elected and appointed officials and that the citizens of this country are entirely too lazy and would rather be keyboard warriors than actually get up and do something.

84. When someone does something wrong to you, do you confront them and ask them why they did it or just let it go? IT REALLY DEPENDS ON WHAT WAS DONE TO ME. I GENERALLY ONLY CONFRONT IF IT IS SOMETHING REALLY BAD

Because of my past I am careful to confront.  I have confronted in the past and the pain and problems it created were worse.

85. What is one unsolved mystery about the world that you want answers to? WHY?

Why did you allow us to have free will?

R – Respect

86. How do you show respect? DEPENDS ON WHO I AM SHOWING IT TO

87. What can someone do for you to lose all respect for them? LIE TO ME; KEEP THINGS FROM ME; HIDE FROM ME

88. Do you respect your teachers, parents, and other authority figures? GENERALLY, YES

I respect the position they are in, not always the person in the position.

89. When you are disrespectful to your parents, what is the punishment? I AM A GROWN ADULT, TRY NOT TO BE DISRESPECTFUL

90. If someone is mean to you, are you mean back or do you kill them with kindness? I AM NEITHER MEAN OR KIND

I admit my first fleshly response is to pay back action with action, but I have become more self-aware and try to stop the reactions while still in my head and pray instead for them.

S – School

91. If you are still in school, what grade will you be going into? I AM PURSUING MY MASTERS DEGREE IN CRIMINAL JUSTICE

I am now pursuing my masters degree in Human Services Counseling.

92. When will you graduate high school/college? 2017 HOPEFULLY

I graduated in 2017 with my bachelor’s degree, in 2019 with my first master’s and will finish in December 2020, but graduate in May 2021.

93. After high school, what did you do/are you planning to do? AFTER I GRADUATED I GOT MARRIED AND HAS CHILDREN

So much has happen since I graduated from high school.  Ultimately I plan to counsel those in crisis and trauma with the military when I grow up.

94. Do you like or hate school? What do you like/hate about it? I LOVE THAT I AM LEARNING

95. Have you ever been suspended, expelled, or dropped out of school? NO

T – Temptation

96. Have you ever done something wrong, knowing it was wrong, because something inside of you said it was okay? NO

Yes, and I do have regrets, but again we know what I think about what ifs.

97. Has anyone ever pressured you to smoke or drink? Did you do it? NO

98. Did you ever cheat on someone? Why did you do it? NO

Lets just leave it at this…I am a David.

99. Did you ever want to do something sexual with someone you didn’t really know or love? What did you end up doing? NO

100. Do you give in to temptation easily, or are you more independent and strong willed? STRONG WILLED

I am so strong-willed at somethings, and weak in so many other things.

U – Unique

102. Do you do a lot of things because your friends are doing it? NO

103. Do you follow trends, wear whatever you want, or wear really unique pieces? I HAVE A SPECIFIC STYLE I HAVE PRETTY MUCH ALWAYS WORN

As I get older I see that I stick to what is both comfortable when I am not showing my professional self, and more classic for the professional or formal side of life.

104. Do you give in easily to peer pressure? Do you do things such as smoke, drink, or have casual sex? NO, NO TO ALL OF THOSE

105. What makes you different from people your age? I WOULD LIKE TO SAY EXPERIENCE, BUT WHAT I THINK IS DIFFERENT MAY NOT BE

As I look at where people my own age are I really cannot say as I do not have a lot of friends that are my own age.  I am very choosing about friends and the few I truly count as close friends share the same love of the Lord as I do.

V – Value

106. What’s the most expensive thing in your room? ELECTRONICS

107. What’s more valuable: your life or the lives of your loved ones? Would you sacrifice your life for other people? I WOULD GLADLY SACRIFICE MY LIFE FOR OTHERS AND HAVE ON AN EMOTIONAL AND SPIRITUAL LEVEL

I mentioned above that I do not have any problem with sacrificing myself for those I love.  Now when I say sacrifice I do not mean my emotions, my heart

108. What is something you value not because it cost a lot, but because it means a lot to you? SPECIFIC PIECES OF JEWELRY

I still value certain pieces of jewelry, but I also have things like my Grandad’s old shirt, my Christmas spider from Brianna, certain Native items that have been customized for me.

109. If there was a fire in your house/apartment, what is the first thing you would grab? IF I HAD ALL MY ANIMALS AND LOVED ONES IT WOULD BE PHOTOS

There is nothing that cannot be replaced, but likely it would be my Bible and prayer journal.  If more time allotted it would be computers, and hard-drives.

110. Do you think past memories and experiences are more valuable than what could possibly happen in the future? I THINK OUR PAST REFLECTS WHAT OUR FUTURE WILL BE LIKE

I think there is nothing that can replace past memories and experiences, but I do think that should not stop a person from making new ones that are just as important.

W – Wishes

111. If you had three wishes, what would they be? PEACE WITH MY CHILDREN, SUPPORT FOR MY LIFE, FINANCIAL STABILITY

Peace with my children, financial security for my husband and I, a place to put down roots where we both could be happy.

112. Would you rather wish yourself to be happy, or your loved ones? LOVED ONES

113. Do you believe that wishes come true if you really believe in them? I BELIEVE THAT WE MAKE OUR WISHES COME TRUE WITH HARD WORK AND PRAYER

114. Have you ever had a wish come true? If so, what was that wish? YES

115. Do you find wishing for things a waste of time because everything that’s meant to happen, will happen? NO

Y – You

121. Are you more independent or social? INDEPENDENT

122. What is something that makes you very mad when you see it? ABUSE

123. Do you think that you have potential to do great things? YES

124. What kind of person would you be if you didn’t have guidance from family members, God, teachers, etc.? Do you think people are born a certain way, or develop their personalities based on what they go through in life? I THINK I WOULD BE A STATISTIC IN THE GUTTER

I do believe that people develop into who they are as they go through life and are exposed to faith, family, and experience.  Some mental health diseases it is suggested can be hereditary or caused by errors in the brain…I believe we are born perfect and time and exposure to things change the brain.

125. Do you think people are generally good? WE ARE ALL SINNERS AND HAVE THE POTENTIAL FOR EVIL

Z – Zest

126. Are you currently happy with your life? Why or why not? YES, MOSTLY

I am happy with where I am, and what I do.  I do have a dream for my job, and I have a need to live in the same town and same home with my husband.  My dream is to move home to Cheyenne and be working with the military.

128. When change occurs, do you get scared or are you excited for it? DEPENDS ON THE CHANGE

It really depends on the change.  Recently we had change that involved being victimized by “who we do not know” when our truck was vandalized and broke into.  The entire week I was a nervous wreck.  As the week progressed and I buried myself more and more in prayer I found peace.  I get excited over change that involves things like a new job, and new environments.

129. Do you like to try new things, meet new people? YES

130. What is the most motivational thing in the world? GOD, MY LOVE, MY CHILDREN